Blueberries are on sale this week!

Whenever I see fresh blueberries go on sale, I like to make these Blueberry scones with lemon glaze from Food Network.

Unfortunately, because of the fat content, I will not be making them for a little while.

I thought I'd post a link to the recipe instead, in case any of you with a functioning gall bladder would like a taste of heaven this week.

I've tried all kinds of things to make them less fattening, or less expensive to make, but I'm telling you right now that if you're going to go to the effort to do it, follow the recipe exactly. There's just no comparison. I've tried using frozen blueberries, whole milk or half and half instead of the cream, salted butter because that's what I had on hand, lemon juice from a bottle instead of freshly squeezed, etc. I could taste the difference every time and they weren't as good.

All I ask is that if you make them, you enjoy a bite for me.

Happy 4th of July weekend everyone!

It's always fun when Grandma comes...

You know Grandma's here when these things pop up around the house:

(not pictured: kleenex in every room, orange juice in the fridge at ALL times, Wheaties cereal, and new batteries in the digital thermometer so we can know the exact temperature)

She was able to catch a ride with Erin's Aunt Lila, and then she left today with Uncle David and Aunt Joyce, so she was only able to bring the bare necessities...
...like her apron, which she used to make Todd's favorite dessert.

We took a trip to Manti to see the Mormon Miracle Pageant:
Grandma came prepared and handed out crackers and cheese sticks just before it began (much to the delight of the boys...and Todd). She also saved me with her two purse packs of Kleenex when I had allergies.
She humored us when we woke the boys up at 4:45 AM to see this lunar eclipse:
And she let me sit and rest while she took over the chores. Now, because of her hard work, my quilting room is once again organized, the storage room floor is clean and sparkly, the crib has a skirt (with a pleat!), the baby clothes are washed, the laundry is caught up...
...and the boys closet is finally organized, and their beds have been made for three days in a row.
Todd came home the other day, noticed how nice their bedroom looked, and asked if they'd made their own beds.

Brayden answered, "No! We just came downstairs after eating breakfast and our beds were MADE! It's like a secret act of service! We don't know how it's happening."

We miss you already, Mom!

Crotchety

This post is for my dear husband, children, and mother, who have put up with me this week.

I've decided that the term "crotchety" must have started with a pregnant woman in her last trimester whose crotch feels like it's being pried apart with a crowbar.

It hurts to move.

I don't remember hurting like this quite so early with past pregnancies.

Of course it's all worth it in the end...I just hope my family will agree.

Mom is here this week, helping me get my ducks in a row before the baby comes. I'm so thankful for her help. So far we (and I use the term "we" loosely 'cause Mom has done most of the work) organized Brayden and Caleb's room, cleaned the sheetrock dust that fell under the stairs during our basement remodel, and swept and tidied up the storage room, all while keeping the laundry caught up and the kids fed (which is no small task these days). Tomorrow I hope we can sort and wash the baby clothes, make a crib skirt and some hooded towels, and fix the broken Roman shade.

I really feel very blessed to be having this baby, to have my Mom here this week to help, and to have a husband who is so patient and understanding. My blood platelets have gone up and are now in the normal range. My gall bladder pain is nearly non-existent thanks to my low-fat diet, and my doctor is overly cautious and doing EVERYTHING you can imagine to make sure we have a healthy baby.

I have more reasons to smile than to be crotchety.

But, oh, how it hurts...

When it rains, it pours...

It all started last week.

I took the van over to "the wal-mart" to have the oil changed before our Dr. appt/mini vacation. The "professionals" in the tire center confirmed Todd's opinion that our van needs new tires.

We also have to replace the windshields in both our vehicles before they'll pass inspection this year.

When we returned from our vacation, I had a message from my bank letting me know I had bounced a check.

It was my own paycheck...to myself...from myself. And it ended up costing me $43 in fee's.

It turns out that when I deposited a recent quilting check, I copied the account number from my client's check (rather than my own business account number) and wrote it on the deposit slip, so the money left her account, and went right back in to her account instead of mine. I blame it on pregnancy brain.

A couple days later our power went out for 3 1/2 hours, and we discovered that all the batteries in our flashlights are dead, and that we are out of extra batteries 'cause the kids have used them all up in the Wii remotes.

That night, I had a gall bladder attack that took me a few days to recover from.

On Saturday, Todd left to help our friends load their U-haul, and his truck died. The local mechanic was there as well, and the two of them decided that it was the battery. On Monday morning, Todd got a new battery, installed it, and $100 later his truck still wouldn't start.

We had to have it towed from our driveway to the auto shop (which is a block away). Still no word on the diagnosis.

Today we juggled a trip to the pharmacy, scouts for two boys (at two different times and locations), a WIC appointment, and getting Todd to and from work with one car (thankfully we also had the use of two bikes).

I spent the afternoon trying to figure out a way to squeeze some money out of the budget so the boys could take swimming lessons this summer, only to discover at dinnertime that our 2 year old fridge is dying. It's possible that something short-circuited when the power went off. No wonder my milk tasted funny today.

I called Maytag and discovered that there's only one place that will service "the middle of nowhere" and it will cost $200 just to have them drive over the mountain to "take a look". Then we still get to pay for parts and labor.

I spent this evening re-arranging my deep freezer to fit everything I could from my fridge, and then I took the rest of our stuff to my neighbor's house (who is out-of-town) and borrowed her fridge. The boys spent their evening eating popsicles before they melted.

Poor Todd spent part of his day walking around in wet pants because when a co-worker gave him a ride from the barn to his office, Todd sat on the passenger side where a water bottle had leaked. He figured nobody would notice, but as he walked up the stairs to the clinical building, another therapist drove by with his window down and yelled, "Hey Wet-butt!"

He also got sunburned.

And one of our fish died.

As we gathered the kids for family prayer (at 10:30 PM), Todd asked everyone to name something they were thankful for. We did this a few days ago, and that day Dillon was thankful for a freezer to keep things cold. He even mentioned it in our family prayer that night. The rest of us thought it was kind of funny, but now we all realize what we had been taking for granted.

Sometimes it takes weeks like this to remember what is most important.

“For the natural man is an enemy to God...unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit...and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

Our baby is healthy and active. We have a job. We have a roof over our heads. We have good friends, and most importantly, we have each other, and a Father in heaven who knows our needs.

I guess we're a pretty lucky bunch.

I survived the first two weeks of summer...

Here's a run-down of what we've been up to the past couple weeks:

We spent Memorial Day weekend in Cache Valley with family. It was nice to get away and let the kids spend time with their cousins. We stopped at IKEA and let the kids ride the escalator as part of their summer vacation fun...we don't have too many big plans this year!

The kids are doing pretty well with the "No Wii 'til 3" rule, and they've been good to do all their chores without complaining (now if we could just conquer the "I'm hungry" situation...)

Nate and Erin (my cousins) moved here and we planted our garden together. Tonight we are going to their house for Family Home Evening. I love having family here!

Dillon taught himself to ride a bike 'cause we were too slow to help him:

We took a mini-vacation to St. George that was sandwiched between two Dr. appt's in Cedar. I saw my Dr. one day, and had my thirty week ultrasound the next. Even though it was short, we had a great time doing some baby shopping, and eating at Iggy's (I've been craving their chili water since February). The boy's played 10 minutes of laser tag at Laser Mania and are STILL talking about it--even Todd, and we hung out at the outdoor pool of our hotel after dark. While at the pool, we saw a bat flopping around in the air above the fruit trees and Brayden's whole summer was "made".

Our ultrasound was really fun. Baby Justin (I think that's the final name choice) was playing with his umbilical cord and it was SO cute! He tried to grab it, and batted it around. I was tired of waiting for the printer to be fixed, so I just took a picture of our 4-D photo so you could see his beloved cord:

And here he is giving us the "thumbs up" sign. We can't wait to meet him!

This is not how I wanted the "unveiling" of the basement to go (I prefer to show before and after pics), but I have to share it now for Brayden's sake. It may look a little messy, but I assure you it is not...at least comparatively. Before I tell the story, I have to mention that we're still planning to tile across the wall above the stove, and add a mantle. The temple picture is hanging too high and it bugs me, but because that wall is cement board, I had one chance to make a hole, so I had to pretend the mantle was already there.

Also, for Uncle Larry's sake (he's a firefighter), I have to mention that the wood piled next to the stove doesn't live there while we are actually using it...we know it's a fire hazard, along with the mess I'm about to reveal.

Anyway, back to the story. Last night, after the kids had been put to bed, Todd kept hearing bumps and noises coming from downstairs. He went to check it out, and found Brayden, working by flashlight, to clean this room.

I nearly cried. His thoughtfulness means even more just because it came from him since kids with Asperger's tend to struggle with sympathy. I had a gall bladder attack on Friday (throwing up, etc) and it has taken a few days to get over. I'm still being super careful about what I eat. This time it wasn't fat, it was my favorite homemade fresh salsa (mild) that caused the problems. I am currently living on rice and potatoes. No more chili water for me...

This is the pile of CLEAN laundry that had been scattered all over the floor. Brayden piled it all on the couch for me so I wouldn't have to bend over and pick it up before folding clothes today. I couldn't be more grateful.
Between gardening, vacationing, and quilting I've managed to get the clothes washed, but not folded. That is today's agenda, before more quilting, and hopefully more gardening. Those beets are never gonna grow if I don't get them planted.

What happened?

I'm trying to get a post up with our latest ultrasound pics, but our printer is out of commission at the moment and I can't scan them in.

I noticed this morning that when I got my new e-mail address (and switched my blog over so I wasn't using Todd's address anymore) all of my comments disappeared. Does anyone out there know if there's a way to get them back? I'm so sad that they're gone. NEVER start up a blog using your husband's e-mail address. It causes way too many problems later on...especially if you end up using two gmail addresses regularly. Had I known this, I never would've chosen gmail for our new family address.

Post Partum Advice

One of my favorite blogs to read is called Clover Lane. The author, Sarah, has her head on straight, and her words remind me daily of what is most important, and how blessed I am to be a mother.

Someone wrote to her and asked her to talk about "New Baby Anxiety", meaning all the worries a mother has before giving birth...again. I think her answer was perfect and I'm posting it here for my own reference, but please feel free to add comments if you have any advice for me.

With every single baby, but the first (because I was clueless), I had TOTAL new baby anxiety. When I'd find out I was pregnant, I'd be overjoyed and blah blah blah, and then morning sickness would set in, my house, schedule, EVERYTHING would become more and more unraveled and I'd just panic. What the heck did I do? I can't handle the kids I have already, I'd think. Why did I think adding another to the mix was a good idea?

And then during the second trimester I'd feel all good and Pottery Barn Kid-ish, where I'd picture everything going so smoothly and color-coordinated and smiley.

And then during the third trimester I'd be huge and tired and crabby and impatient, especially at the end. Those last two weeks (and I mean weeks 38-41...many girls don't get there, and let me tell you, it takes you to a whole new level of pregnancy), I'd really be freaking out. I would look around at my house, at the toys I'd have to kick to the basket, because I couldn't bend down to pick them up. At the laundry basket I couldn't carry. At the meals I didn't have the energy to cook. At the same time I could have pulled that baby out myself. Better out than in, I'd think. I'd be haunted by those words weeks later.

And then again...those first 2 weeks after the birth I was still on a high. "Oh look at me, losing weight, and handling it all so well, and I'm dressed cute too, with my baby in the Bjorn and my clean shiny toddlers at my side!"

And then CRASH, sleep deprivation really catches up, my milk comes in, my mood crashes down, my appetite can't be satisified, my weight goes right back up, my clothes are all dirty, maternity pants are my only option, my husband can't do anything right, and don't even think about touching me mister, a trip to the grocery store sets me back days, a shower is my biggest accomplishment, and I would think, "I am a miserable no good mother and everyone else does this better than me."

I followed this exact pattern every single time. You'd think I'd learn, don't you? Everytime I'd say, "Oh it's not going to be like last. I'm really going to lose that baby weight right away, I'm really going to stay on top of that laundry, I'm really going to be super sweet to my husband even though I want to say a million sarcastic things about how he gets to sit down and eat lunch and go to the bathroom by himself. I'll make sure I have cute post-baby clothes, wear earrings and makeup and have great meals all set up and that will change everything."

And it never did.

The only thing that changed is that I stopped being so hard on myself for feeling this way.

Stop fighting these feelings and most importantly stop feeling like there is something wrong with you for having them! Maybe some women handle all this new baby stuff, and ups and downs, and back and forths, without merely a bat of the eye. Or maybe they just say they do and really don't. Who knows, and who cares.

The most important thing you can remember is that every stage of bringing a new soul into this world does NOT last forever. I know that in the midst of morning sickness, or the last trimester or the first 3 months of adjustment I would forget this. I would think, "I can't do this forever!" forgetting completely that I didn't have to! Things would change, get easier, or just get to be a new normal. Change isn't change when you get used to it...when it becomes regular.

You are afraid that your routine won't stay the same and your schedule won't either?
You are right, it won't.
You will need a new routine and a new schedule.
With the experience you gained with your first newborn, you will have that much more knowledge to add and find more quickly what works and doesn't for you.
Pay attention to what works and what doesn't.
If going to a playgroup makes you all crabby and out of sorts, you toddler tired and your baby fussy, then don't go for a couple months or forever if you want.
If it makes you feel energized and happy to go, then make it a priority.
Start thinking about what makes your day easier and what makes your kids peaceful.
Stop thinking about what others outside your family want, need, expect during this time.

If it makes you stress to have a dirty messy house, most people would say, "Oh you'll just have to get used to letting it go."
Well, I'm the same way, and I tried to be laid back about it, all it did was make me miserable and panicky and depressed.
I gave a couple of very specific jobs to my husband so that he could help me, and I made keeping my house cleaned and straightened a priority. I found places for the new baby things, and I made sure to pick up a room whenever I got a chance.
It was the only order I had in my life at that time, and I craved it.

You are afraid that you won't have as much patience?
You won't.
You will be tired.
Who has patience when they've been up all night?
But you know what?
Every first child needs a little less patience in his life.
Really.
And he will share the importance and love and thank God for that.
When I think of how much my husband and I were both in my first son's face all the time, I think probably the best thing that ever happened to that kid was his baby sister.
Don't ever ever entertain the idea in your head of "poor Jack". Every kid can see, sense, smell, pity in his/her mother's eyes and not only does it scare the crap out of them it's a recipe for disaster. The smart ones will manipulate like crazy because they can. This could lead to never ending behavior issues. No pity!

Here are some practical tips:
With each of my babies, I handed over the bedtime routine of the older ones to my husband. Maybe the kids had to get used to that at first, but we were very consistent with it and in days it was no big deal. He did bath, books, bed, whatever it took, so that I could either go to bed early, feed the baby peacefully, or maybe even run around the house and pick up if I had a burst of energy. My husband also would give me a break after his work day...he'd take the kid(s) outside or just keep them entertained for a little while so I could shut my brain down and just be with the baby.

Keep the things that don't have to change as consistent as possible. Mealtimes, bedtimes, etc. At the same time, lighten up a little too. You have to find that new schedule, and this might mean tweaks to the old one here and there.

Start now saying "OUR baby." Everytime. Include your son in picking outfits out, giving baths, putting on diapers, almost everything. Ask him what he thinks. Brag about him so he hears you. Not "he's handling it so well" like it's a shocker, but little specific things. It's so hard but make an effort to spend time with him alone, even if it's for 5 minutes on the floor. Ignore jealous attention getting behavior...the bigger deal you will make of, the more it will continue. Pick your battles. If you feel guilt or pity, like I said, you will wallow and whine and NOT be self-assured and matter of fact, which is what all kids need.

Don't do things that stress you out. If I had a pediatricians appt. then the rest of the day, sometimes the rest of the week, I did nothing. Anticipate your breaking point, and try to stay below it. Make changes, be brave!, say no, cancel plans, don't feel pressure to keep up with what it seems like everyone else does.

I know everyone says "sleep when the baby sleeps" but I never ever could! The more I'd try the more I'd stay wide awake with the pressure of trying to get my "one and only chance at sleep". Sometimes I would just sit and relax, but what made me feel best, was catching up. Straightening up, running through the house and doing a quick vacuum or something like that. That would give me the peace of mind and more energy.

Most importantly, remember those that have gone before you in this motherhood journey. I would sometimes think of my grandmothers, mothers of 7 and 9, and how just down-to-business, matter-of-fact they were, and with tight times, and very few of our modern conveniences to help them.

I once asked my Grandma Beilein, with desperation, after I had my first two and just felt so overwhelmed, "How did you do this with 9 kids?"

She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Well I didn't have them all at once!"

"That's it", I thought? That's all the advice you are going to give me?

And to this day, I think it's the best thing I've ever heard her say.

You learn, you grow, you find your way as a mother, one child at a time.
Being a mother of one is different from two, and from three and so on and so on.
Be open to the change, and that means not beating yourself up along the way.
You can listen to others, read books, ask advice, but really it's YOUR journey.
Listen and trust yourself most of all.