Random thoughts...

I put away my maternity clothes today.

I'm not sure why it has taken so long. After 2 1/2 months of hanging in my closet, it took a total of six minutes to take them off the hangers, fold them, and put them in the rubbermaid container under my bed.

There's not really any reason. I just haven't gotten around to it. They were only in my closet for two days before I found out that my pregnancy might not go well.

For some reason, the sting of miscarriage is bothering me today. The first thing I thought of when I woke up, is that we would have had an ultrasound sometime this week (I remember that it was going to be right after Christmas).

Maybe it's because my "baby" (Dillon) is wearing underwear today. Or because he is going to be a Sunbeam in primary now. Yesterday when I asked him to do something, he replied, "Mom, who cares?" (it starts young when you have older brothers...)

I've really been doing quite well. I haven't had any of the symptoms of the hormone imbalance that had plagued me since my miscarriage in '07. It's like my body was thrown "back into whack" and I've felt so much better. I can think better. I've had several people say, "We have our Felicia back" and I feel it. For that I am so grateful.

Perhaps that's why it needed to happen. But regardless of the reason, today is hard. Maybe it's because I have only opened two of the doctor/hospital bills that I need to pay. They were due last week and I just can't bring myself to deal with them. The rest are probably past due, too, so I guess I ought to open them. I will, don't worry. I just haven't...yet.

Todd has had a pretty rough few months at work. It would have been so much harder on both of us if I had been pregnant through it all. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. I know that He can see the bigger picture and knows what's best. I also know that the atonement is for sorrow, as well as sin. I have learned for myself the importance, and the significance of the power of hope, and the blessings of friendship.

Always, I will remember...

...The surprise of finding out I was pregnant,

because I am usually sick before it's even time to test.

...The excitement that always comes with a positive pregnancy test.

...Wondering how we were going to pay for a baby,
and wondering where to put you in our two bedroom house.

...Telling your dad that we were going to have a baby,

and watching his realization that we HAD to finish another room in the basement.

...The good feeling I had, like this time was going to be different.

...The fun of being pregnant at the same time as my sister.

...Grandma spending two weeks with us,

helping me organize the basement so we could finish another room.

...Seeing the ultrasound screen and knowing

immediately that something was wrong.

...The frustration in waiting two weeks to find out if you were still growing.

...The anxiety and paranoia of not knowing.

...The friends who prayed, and listened, and cared.

...Wondering why I felt so strongly you were meant to be,
and why you were taken so soon.

...2008 as the year that my friends got me through.

...The peace that only comes from knowing that
Heavenly Father has a plan, and that He knows what's best.

...those ten short weeks
last fall.

My bench!

This is the bench that Todd made me for Christmas. I love it! I'm going to make new liners for the baskets below, whenever I find the perfect fabric. One will hold gloves, and the other will hold library/bookmobile books. Those are two things that have never had a "place" at our house, and I am SO excited to have a home for them.

I'm hoping that my mom will "help" me make a cushion for it... :o) The piping and the zipper are just too much for my meager sewing skills...and I have no idea where I'd find the foam around here.

Christmas morning 2008

Well, we failed the grandma's this year. We took very few pictures, and those that we took are not great.

We had a fun day. The kids slept in until 8:00 (yeah!) and we took our time opening presents...stopping to play with things in between so it took until nearly 10:00 before we finished un-wrapping.

Santa brought each boy a new Webkinz pet, and they have been a huge hit. Brayden got the bat he's wanted, Caleb got a clownfish, and Dillon got a "neigh" (horse). Between the grandma's they got the last three planet heroes they needed (to finish their collection) and the Solar Quarters, where the Planet Heroes all convene to save the universe. Trust me, if the super megatronic cloud ever reaches critical mass and the universe hangs in un-balance...our kids WILL save us all. (probably while singing the theme song...)

The kids also got their first Nintendo game ('til now we just had a couple games for Todd) so they've had fun learning to play their Lego Star Wars game, although so far they still prefer the computer. They also got several new books, games, movies, and some new clothes.

Todd and I got very practical but WONDERFUL gifts. My parents gave us a TON of food storage (wheat, rice, cases of soup and tomatoes, #10 cans of fruit, and eggs, a 5 gallon bucket of powdered milk, and more) and Todd's mom gave us a grain mill (now we can actually USE our wheat) and a steam mop that is oh, so cool. It just makes you feel better to STEAM the floor around the toilet when you have three little boys. And I gave Todd a giant garbage can on wheels that is full of our 72 hour kits (almost completed) and a pump for our 50 gallon water drum.

I took two naps on Christmas; Todd worked on the bench he made for me (I'll show a picture after I get it painted--i LOVE it!) and in the late afternoon, we finally got dressed and went over to Vanessa's house to have Christmas dinner with her family and some other friends. (V's husband is still in Afghanistan--we're counting the days 'til he comes home).

It's been a wonderful, relaxing few days and I'm bummed that Todd has to go to work tomorrow. He's got a pretty screwy schedule for the next four weeks (working late four nights a week) and then hopefully things will settle down at work. (I keep saying that...but it never happens...) The kids have this week off, and I'm going to let them play the computer all they want, while I sew pillows to go with my new bed quilt.

Christmas 2008

As much as I LOVE to get Christmas cards in the mail, I just didn't get them out this year. I was really trying to simplify and cut the stress, and I did pretty good until last week when things started to get a bit hairy. So, Christmas cards got CUT from the to-do list, and believe it or not, I think life is going to go on.

We are looking forward to a relaxing Christmas at home. Todd has a few days off, and we're going to eat ourselves silly, watch movies, play games, wear our pajamas all day, and eat some more.

A big thanks to all of our friends and family who have supported us with love and friendship this year. We love hearing from you, reading your blogs, talking on the phone, and especially getting together with you.

We wish you all a Merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year.

Love,

Todd, Felicia, Brayden, Caleb, and Dillon

*You can download this cute digital scrapbook paper, and several others, for FREE from my sister's Scrappity website.

(sorry for the B&W picture, mom. I know you'd rather see the boys' red hair)

Ward Christmas Party

Tomorrow night is our ward Christmas party, and unlike other years, certain kids were selected to play parts in the live manger scene. Caleb was chosen to be a cow.

He's a little bit embarrassed by his costume, and I can't say that I blame him. Nothing says Merry Christmas like a crocheted brown cow vest, with hot pink felt udders. In past years, his entire class would've been wearing the same thing, so he wouldn't have to be alone in his misery...I mean costume.

Thankfully, he's a good kid, and I know he'll wear it, and be a wonderful cow tomorrow night.

I know what's wrong with me...

You'd think at this point I'd have a clue. So in honor of myself, I wrote a parody. Enjoy.

Sung (sarcastically) to "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

"The Most Wonderful Time of the Month"

It's the most wonderful time...of the month.

When the kids won't stop yelling

And everyone's telling you be of good cheer

It's the most wonderful time...of the month.

It's the crap-crappiest season of all

With no peace for my hubby, I'm bloated and chubby

My "friend" comes to call

It's the crap-crappiest season of all.

There'll be husbands for roasting

Blog fodder for posting

And carry a purse where you go

There'll be Advil and Kotex

Chocolate and no sex

And if I start crying you'll know...

It's that most wonderful time...of the month.

There'll be much tantrum throwing

And friends will be knowing

That "Aunt Flo" is near

It's the most wonderful time...

It's the most wonderful time...

It's that most wonderful time...of the month.

Six more "buttons" to go...

Click the play button on the side for some "mood music" to go with this post.

There are six buttons left on our advent quilt, and I'm not so sure I'm ready. Do you think my kids will notice if I take a few ornaments off?

Is anyone else up to their eyeballs in wrapping paper, sugar (from all those neighbor gifts), and postage stamps?

I've got one more quilt to do (and ship), and another package that will go out on Monday. Just in time to wrap all the presents while my kids are in school, and then *hopefully* have a couple days to spend frosting cookies and watching movies with my boys.

Tonight is the annual Christmas Operetta, put on by the elementary school kids. I wonder what MAN thought it would be a good idea to schedule it a week before Christmas...

I need a silent night.

Letter of recommendation

I was going through some old files, when I came across this (fake) letter of recommendation that Todd's boss wrote for him when he was applying to the MFT program at Utah State. I thought you might enjoy it. I'm so grateful for a husband who has a sense of humor :o)

Todd has been affiliated with our agency since May 2000, first as a practicum student and then as an employee. He has worked in a variety of roles: as a co-facilitator of a children's group, as a receptionist, and as a co-presenter of a parenting group.

I have been impressed with Todd's professional progress, since he had so far to go to meet minimum standards as a human being. He has consistently been able to set his goals low and meet most of them. His colleagues agree that Todd excels at mediocrity, except for those times when he lapses.

The ****** Institute has a rigidly enforced substance abuse policy and, in spite of occasional relapses, Todd continues to attend his meetings. To my knowledge, he has never been caught selling drugs or alcohol to minors, though there is some suspicion that he supplements his income by dealing with adults.

Now to address some of Todd's personal liabilities. While clients do not state that they dislike Todd, he has had to change numerous slashed tires on his car following groups he has led. He has shown a remarkable ability in such circumstances to contain his crying and tantrum behavior to the sidewalk.

Todd has proven to be well-accepted in staff social circles, especially for the variety of revealing costumes he wears to such gatherings. The only time this caused any serious problem was when he inadvertently came to a staff meeting when, in fact, the meeting was with a grieving family that had recently lost several loved ones in a tragic car accident. The rumors that Todd had anything to do with that accident have proven false so far.

I'm sure that if you accepted Todd into your program you would have an interesting time trying to understand him. However, if you actually managed to do so, I think you'd find a warm, compassionate, caring person beneath that veneer to hostility and anger. At least I hope you would; we have had no such luck in that area.

To let you know how far Todd has come :o), last night he came home with a certificate signed by the corporate president of his company, and a letter commending him for his excellent customer service, along with a check for $100 for being such a great employee. I'm sure proud of him because he has worked his butt off for the past three months, taking care of all the emotional needs of 15 unstable teenage girls and their parents. Last week, they finally hired another therapist, so his team size is now down to a more manageable 10.

*oops, I spoke too soon. When I told Todd about this post, he told me he's already gotten two new girls this week, so his team size is up to 12. Sigh.

Your...STYLE???

Last night Todd had to work late (I think he got home just before 1:00 AM), so I put the kids to bed and decided to do something crafty. I've had this centerpiece in mind for awhile. It's still not finished...I think it needs a battery operated candle, some dried lemons/oranges, a rusty jingle bell, maybe some berries or pinecones, a mini wooden spoon and rolling pin, etc.

Anyway, I was pretty happy with my progress until Todd saw it this morning. Our conversation went something like this:

Todd: Where did this come from?

Me: (overflowing with exuberance 'cause I love how the gingerbread's turned out when I sprayed them with glitter) It has only cost $3 so far!!! Can you believe it? I got the wooden box at a yard sale for $1, I bought a wreath at the dollar store and made the pine bough's out of it, and I bought the candy canes for $1 and wrapped them with fabric from my stash. Then I made the gingerbread men.

Todd: Choking. You MADE the gingerbread men?

Me: (thinking he was proud) Don't you love the glitter?

Todd: (speaking at the same time as me) I thought it came from DI that way...it looks like an enrichment night gone bad.

Silence.

Me: (wondering what Todd's head would look like if it were sprayed down with glitter) You don't like them?

Todd: (smiling) Shwee...I don't think making gingerbreads is a good hobby for you. (my nickname is shwee, by the way) I'm still traumatized from the last time you tried to make them...remember those giant chicken nuggets with arms?

I guess they're just not my style.

Me: (wide eyes) Your...STYLE? (laughing) Your style is MY style!!! Look around this room? Have you even tried to decorate anything? Oh wait, the fire alarm next to the welcome sign...yeah, I guess that's your contribution...and I'm sorry, but it has to go.

(at this point Todd put his tail between his legs, bowed his head, and retreated to the bedroom...with a smile, because honestly...he's happy when I'm happy)

Thanks dear, for keeping your opinions to yourself most of the time. However, upon gaining some confidence (and reassurance) from Vanessa, the gingerbreads are staying.

Now what else can I spray with glitter...

Tree "B"

This is tree "B". We bought it for $20 a couple months after we were married. At that time, all the Wal-Mart tree's had a letter on the box, indicating how nice of a tree it was. Tree "A" was the worst, and Tree "F" was ever-so-grand. We settled for tree "B" thinking we could upgrade the next year.

Every year, I think it will be the last for tree "B" and every year, there's no extra money for a new one, so we put her up again. And you know what? I've decided I really like tree "B". She's quite bare and "charlie brownish" at first, but after adding the ornaments, I'm always happy.

I've made or bought a new set of ornaments every year for the past 10 years. Some have already been retired due to supreme tackiness, and some are STILL on the tree. For our first Christmas I found some pieces of styrofoam that were *almost* square, and wrapped them with wrapping paper and tied raffia around them. I think they'll always be on our tree.

Everyone around our little town has a real tree. EVERYONE. I've tried to understand why people love having a real tree, but I will always love my fake one. I love the perfectness of the branches. I love that it doesn't shed, and I love that it doesn't smell. I love that instead of buying a new tree each year, I can buy a few new ornaments.

Some day, I'd like to have a pre-lit tree (since I hate putting the lights on) but I don't think I'll be able to give up this tree. We'll just have to have two. There are too many memories. Each of my kids (at different times) has pulled this tree down after it's been fully decorated. Some years it is so mangled and hideous by Christmas that it becomes a source of great humor. One year I actually had to tie a string around it, and thumb-tack it to the wall to get it to stay standing. And who can forget the year that I bought the "twigs" with the curly ends? Some of you already know what Todd thought of those, but I'd better not post it for the public.

We needed blueprints to decorate our tree growing up. My dad taught us all the "rules". The lights, beads, and ribbon need to be carefully woven in and out of each branch (not wrapped around in a tornado). The sparkly lights go up the middle, but you need to have plenty of lights that stay on at all times. Always decorate from the inside out, so your ornaments are "layered" and not just on the outside branches. And spacing is especially important, especially with different sizes and colors of ornaments. We tease him about how perfect it has to be, but I am grateful for all that my Dad taught me about the "principles and elements of design" by watching him decorate our beautiful tree every year. Mine will never look as good as his, but he probably has tree "S" and I'm sure it didn't come from Wal-Mart...

I've always had a hard time letting my kids "help" thanks to my dad's "rules"...I guess we need blueprints at our house, too. I've longed for the day when the kids would leave the ornaments on my tree alone, so it could look nice for an entire season. Luckily, our boys have their OWN little two foot dollar store tree that they are allowed to do whatever they want with, and they do. I'll have to post a picture...it's priceless.

Tree "B" has been up for a week now, and it hasn't been touched. Everything is in place just where I put it. The kids have given up their curiosity for the individual ornaments, and they just enjoy watching it sparkle at night.

And I'm not so sure how I feel about it.

Would anyone like to come mess up my tree?

To save you some time...

Just so you know, tub sealer is NOT a good replacement for hot glue when attaching flannel to cardboard.

Just go find the damn glue gun.

I (almost) finished a project!

I've been working on this little quilt (it's 21" square) for a little over a month now, and except for the binding, it's done!

It's called Five Cent Fairy Garden (because you trace a nickel for all the berries) and it's hand appliqued and made completely out of homespun woven fabrics--from my stash. I didn't buy any new fabric for this one, although Vanessa donated a few of her woven scraps to "the cause".

It really is square, it just looks funny in the picture because it's on the back of my fluffy couch.

Sadly, like all of the quilts I do for myself, I whipped through the quilting as fast as I could so I could get it done between customer quilts. It's not my best work...but, I don't sit around staring at my quilting all day, so it's just not gonna matter.

My visiting teaching partner/quilter extraordinaire says that the "mosquito meander" that I stiched in the borders around the applique is my "signature stitch".

I prefer to think of the swirls in the center pieced section as my "signature stitch" but oh well. Mosquito's seem to be more fitting for my life right now :o)

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Bad: Waking up at 3:30 AM to the sound of my six year old gasping for air to breathe.

The Good: Living in a community with a wonderful doctor (who gave a great high-council talk on Sunday) and an on-call nurse (in our ward) who were willing to meet us at the local clinic in the middle of the night, since our hospital is so far away.

The Bad: Nearly hitting four bull elk in the middle of the next town over, while going 80 miles an hour, without contacts, trying to get to the clinic a little faster. (I should add that the speed limit is 65 going into the town, so I wasn't going too far over the speed limit...)

The Good: After a priesthood blessing and breathing the cold night air, Caleb arrived at the clinic still wheezing, but sounding a lot better, and able to talk.

The Bad: Throwing up during his x-ray (that would be Caleb, not me). Yes, the good ol' x-ray machine. I have issues with the x-ray machine at our clinic. I've sworn I'd never have an x-ray done there again because it's so fuzzy, I always have to pay to have it re-done in the hospital, but what do you do at 4:00 AM?

The Good: Finding the problem (Croup and tonsillitis) so it could be treated immediately with steroids and a breathing treatment. His trachea was so swollen it was nearly closed off. We are also very grateful that we don't have to pay for a tonsillectomy right now (and do it in a hospital that requires "permission" from Provo to do the surgery).

The Bad: All those payments I made two years ago on our nebulizer that Dillon used twice.

The Good: We actually HAVE a nebulizer and now we're getting our money's worth.

The Bad: The taste of the steroid medication that poor Caleb has to take for the croup, and the TEN DAY antibiotic for his tonsillitis.

The Good: I got out of making a quadruple batch of frosting for 19 kids to make gingerbread houses at school on Friday, AND I don't have to go to the school to help with the project... :o)

And don't forget The Ugly: Me, and the nurse, at the clinic at 4:00 AM with messy hair, bags under our eyes, and no make-up...it was NOT pretty.

Coming down with something...

In honor of my headache and sore throat, and Caleb's headache and nasty cough, I thought I'd post the "Mancold".



And now I think I'll take a nap.

And I thought I was good...

I thought I had this parenting thing down when I came up with my trick-or-treating FHE lesson. But let me tell you, my friend Vanessa wins the prize for this one:

When daylight savings time ended (or began) or whatever it did a few weeks ago...she set her clocks back so her family could have that extra hour of sleep on Sunday morning...and then, before bedtime, she moved them forward again.

Yup, you heard me. She changed them again. And not just once. My genius friend got a full WEEK of bliss when she put her kids to bed an hour earlier at night, and then secretly switched the clocks back after they were sleeping, so they'd get to school at the right time.

It is brilliant. And I can't believe I haven't thought of it before.

Way to go V!

Quirks

My friend, Trina, tagged me to write 7 or so quirks about myself. Since I already did that (here) I decided to write down a few of TODD'S quirks...with his permission of course :o)

1. He likes peeps, and he likes them a few days after the package has been opened (if they last that long). I think they are perfectly wretched.

2. Todd only reads non-fiction books. He likes therapy journals, textbooks, and doctrine. He says that fiction is a waste of his time. I thought this was just since he was in school for so long, but yesterday he was telling the boys about the books he read and re-read as a child (both of them) and they were about Squanto, and Helen Keller. So, I guess he's been a fan of non-fiction all his life.

3. He cuts his toenails with scissors. It's been over 10 years that we've been married, and I still don't see the benefits from this, but whatever.

4. Todd does not like day old bread. If he ever has to take a sack lunch anywhere, he'll make his sandwich on frozen bread, so that by the time he eats it, it will have thawed and will be as fresh as possible.

5. He hates pants and socks. After work, he wears shorts and has bare feet 365 days of the year. The funny thing is, the first time he asked me out, he was wearing new white socks (with his shirt un-tucked...something you NEVER saw...my roommates used to ask him if he had any "play clothes" because he was never casual) and to this day I still tell him how much I liked him in socks that night :o)

6. Todd has a spot on his back, that works just like the reflex in your knee. If I touch it while giving him a hug, he'll jerk back (completely involuntary). It's kind of fun...

7. He doesn't leave the house without Blistex. If he forgets it, he'll stop at the store and buy some. We even have it in his 72 hour kit.

8. Todd thinks of himself as a "fungus". He says he "has to grow on people". I disagree. I thought he was pretty nice from the first time I met him.

9. He knows what a bias binding is (although he's embarrassed about it). The other day, I bought an apron pattern that called for almost twice as much fabric for the ties, as it needed for the main part of the apron. I could not figure it out, and Todd suggested that the ties/trim must be cut on the bias...he was right. :o)

Thank You!

I am allergic to the post office.

I never go...unless I'm expecting something. So, a few days ago, when Todd emptied our box so that the poor post office lady could fit stuff in it again, I was completely surprised to get TWO packages!

My good friend Cami sent me this calendar (with room for making lists), and this absolutely adorable bottle of Heinz. We share our love of list-making, and the "right" brand of ketchup. She also sent two Idaho spud candy bars...but those are LONG gone, so I didn't get a picture. She will soon be moving from Idaho, to UTAH where she will only be three hours away, instead of nine. Hooray! Thanks Cami, for thinking of me. I miss you.

And then, my sister (who also happens to live in Idaho), sent me this cute little berry wreath to sit on the "shelf" of my lamp. It's perfect! She must've known that there wasn't a store within 200 miles where I could get such a thing.
My sister and I have never really fought. I think it's just because the six years between us didn't allow for us to have enough in common to fight about anything...but that's beside the point. Now she's expecting her second baby, and her husband is almost finished with grad school, so we're in the same boat.
I love you Char, and wish you lived closer so we could "play" together. Thanks for thinking of me.

Silverware gender

Yesterday, when I poured Dillon his bowl of cereal, he asked me to get him a boy spoon.

Until then, I wasn't aware that silverware had a gender.

But they do, and unfortunately, I seem to have a lot more girl silverware in my drawer (probably because when the kids set the table, they have been giving "boy" silverware to all the boys).

Since girls are in short supply at our house, I have all the flowered silverware I could ever need or want.

So, if any of you have any extra "boy" silverware that you want to send my way...feel free. We're running low.

Pizza Party

"Pizza, Pizza, ran, ran, ran!"

Tonight we made pepperoni and olive pizza, per the boys request

(Todd and I are not big fan's of pepperoni, so they rarely get it)

We also had barbecue chicken pizza.

We used my friend Mindy's famous pizza dough.

Pizza Crust

2 C warm water

1 Tbs. yeast

2 Tbs. sugar

2 tsp. salt

5-6 c flour

Dissolve yeast and sugar in water (about 10 min.). Add salt and slowly add flour. The dough will be fairly stiff. Just add flour until it can be kneaded. Knead until smooth. This dough doesn't need to rise, but you may need to let it sit for 10 minutes or so if it is hard to roll out. I usually make 3 smaller pizzas, or you can make 2 large pizzas. I have found that it works best if I roll it out pretty thin... it raises in the oven, and can be doughy if you leave it too thick. Sometimes I use some of the dough to make breadsticks. Actually, sometimes I make this dough JUST for breadsticks. It's versatile. ;)

Spread sauce on crust. I just use spaghetti sauce. Add any toppings that you like (or can afford!) Sometimes I just make cheese pizza. This is also delicious with garden veggies, like tomatoes, peppers, onions, etc.

Bake in HOT oven... about 425-450 degrees until the crust is browned and cheese is bubbling. Let it cool for a few minutes before cutting.

Barbecue Chicken Pizza

3 boneless chicken breast halves, cooked and cubed

1 cup hickory flavored barbecue sauce

1 Tbsp. honey

1 tsp. molasses

1/3 cup brown sugar

1/2 bunch fresh cilantro, chopped (we used dried cilantro)

1 cup smoked Gouda cheese, shredded (we used mozzarella, since our local store does not carry gouda)

1 cup thinly sliced red onion

1 cup julienned green pepper

In a sauce pan, over medium heat, combine chicken, barbecue sauce, honey, molasses, brown sugar and cilantro. Bring to a boil (or just nuke it).

Spread chicken mixture evenly over pizza crust, and top with cheese, onions, and green peppers. Bake at 425 degrees for 15-20 minutes, or until cheese is melted.

The taste of defeat

Well, we voted. And I lost. There was only one vote for broccoli.

The winners are:

Pizza
Grapes
Root Beer
No Bake Cookies

All in all, we've had fun. We'll definitely do this again. Next time we'll have primary elections, where we narrow it down to two choices before the final vote.

We had a debate, which was very exciting, and then we talked to the kids about taking their vote seriously. They were supposed to consider cost, the time it would take to make, and whether or not it was healthy (and we covered all these things in the debate).

I don't think any of us will ever look at pizza again without thinking, "Pizza, pizza...ran, ran, ran".(Todd's poster said, "rah, rah, rah" but the font he used made it look like ran).The boys thought it was wildly funny.

We definitely made memories, and it didn't cost anything (we would've eaten dinner tomorrow anyway) so I'm calling it a success.

We won the battle...but the war rages on

I copied this entry from my brother, "pianoman's" blog. I hope he doesn't mind. I'm just so darn proud of all that he and his wife, and also my cousin, have done to help pass proposition 8 in California. I wanted this recorded in my "journal" too.

November 4, Election Day: I woke up before the alarm went off. I didn't sleep much. Weeks and weeks of phone calls, door-knocking, sign-posting and re-posting, blogging, Facebook-ing--and of course--praying, all pointed to this moment.

7:00 am. The polls open.

8:00 am. Our zip code coordinator comes by our house to deliver my poll-watching assignment.

9:00 am. I visit two different precincts trying to find where VD and I are registered to vote (recently moved after registering).

10:00 am. Empty ballot in hand, I walk solemnly to my private voting booth. Everyone in line conveys a similar attitude of reverence and respect for the privilege of taking part in the government of our people. I open the ballot to the Propositions page...there it is! I carefully square the ink-puncher over the "yes" on the eighth proposition. Albeit less grandiose an act, I cannot help thinking of Moroni raising the Title of Liberty: "In memory of our God, our religion, and freedom, and our peace, our wives, and our children" (emphasis added). I return my completed ballot. Little me, one out of nine million California voters who will hover their ink-puncher over the "yes" or the "no" spot. But I know my voice is heard, and I know where I stand. That's what voting is all about.

11:00 am. My poll-watching is well underway. I have three different precinct lists of registered voters who told us previously their intention to vote "yes" on 8. I compare my lists with the publicly-released street indexes of persons who have already voted. Each time I cross out a name, it's almost like punching another "yes" on the ballot.

12:00 noon. I report in to headquarters to provide the results of my most recently updated lists. (I still get a little choked up every time I think about what I saw.) There in the warehouse of Interstate Batteries were rows of tables lined with people in all the chairs, people my age, my parents' age, my grandparents' age, with cell phones in hand, lists of persons being called. Power strips for chargers, laptops and printers for up-to-date info, food and water bottles for the masses...Everything about the setup evoked images of a mobilized army, ready at a moment's notice to heed the call of the commanding officer.

1:00 pm. Phone calls take a priority over poll-watching from now until 4:00 pm. So, I grab a stack of names and start dialing. I speak with one woman who says she doesn't understand English. "¿Puedo hablar con Usted en español, entonces?" I talk with her about Prop 8. She says she still hasn't decided which way to vote. My heart racing--much like a young soldier in battle--I immediately wield my sword... I translate my prescripted thoughts into Spanish. By the end of the conversation she says, "Yes, I will vote 'yes' on 8." I hang up to a couple of cheers from neighboring callers who had witnessed my transition from English to Spanish to a yes vote. And so the day goes on. As I am preparing to dial a new number, I overhear the woman behind me: "I am a school teacher. I, and most of my friends are voting 'yes' on 8. Don't believe those TV ads..." When she hangs up, she crosses off the name, adding another 'yes' to the final count. We cheer the school teacher on.

4:00 - 7:50 pm. The pace accelerates. Amid my frequent trips from poll-watching locations to headquarters, the full-time callers move into the final phase: no more leaving messages on voice mail, only targeted calls to "high yield" areas (demographics where a "yes" vote would be most likely.) Joined by VD for the final stretch, we make calls and look forward to crossing the finish line together.

8:00 pm. The army disbands. The tables and chairs are put up, and we all return to our homes.

Every ten minutes for the next 12 hours. We watch as the numbers trickle in. VD sees the first results: "We're winning!" Those are perhaps the best words chosen to describe this ongoing fight. I wish there were a way we could triumphantly declare: "We won!" But deep down, each of us knows the war is far from over. I'm pleased to see the results of our efforts. I'm honored beyond measure to ever be part of such an army, defending truth and virtue. The days and years that lie ahead will surely present greater challenges still. But I take courage in VD's simple expression: "We're winning." May it ever be so.

My "campaign" posters

Thanks, Aunt "Viola Diva", for the broccoli slogan :o)

You might think I have too much time on my hands...
But we're building memories, people. Building memories.

Caleb saw my broccoli poster when he got home and announced

that he still didn't want to vote for broccoli...

This could be an uphill battle.

I need a slogan

Well, my friends, the nominations for the Dinner Party are in. Our little family will be campaigning this week to determine what we will be having for dinner next Monday night. We will cast our ballots on Sunday.

The nominees are as follows (in no particular order):

Main Dish:

Pizza
Hot Dogs (on a bun)
Sweet and Sour Chicken over Rice

Side Dish:

Carrot Sticks
Potato Chips
Grapes
Broccoli

Drink:

Root beer
Water
Chocolate Milk
Orange Juice

Dessert:

Dessert Pizza
No Bake Cookies
Ice Cream

We decided that Dillon was too young to nominate (because we needed a tie-breaker in case no one changes their mind); Also, some members of the family chose the same items, so there are only three choices in some categories.

Does anyone have any great slogan's or idea's for my broccoli campaign? I'm afraid I'll need all the help I can get if I'm going to beat out potato chips.

It's almost over!

Since I've been completely annoyed by the presidential campaign/debates/bickering, this is a good day for me. It is almost over. Although neither candidate is my favorite choice, I believe it is my duty to vote, so I did.

You've gotta love living in a small town on a day like today. I think it took me 15 minutes to vote, and most of that time was taken up in visiting with the three ladies who verified that I was me (I visit teach one of them, and she said, "I know who you are, dear"). The remainder of the time was taken in voting, and eating the free chocolate that was provided to those of us who fulfilled our civic duty.

Heaven help the man who wins today, and heaven help all of us to step up and do our part to be less greedy, and more willing to help those around us.

I got the following FHE idea in my inbox this morning, and I love it so much that we just might do it next week. My kids came home from school yesterday, very concerned about the election today. I was surprised at what they told me about the candidates that they had learned from the kids at school. This sounds like a fun idea to teach them about the voting/campaigning process:

Pre-voting day FHE (or Post-voting day FHE, in our case)

For FHE this week, we're splitting it up into 2 nights. The FHE is based off of this from LDS living Mag: http://www.ldslivingmagazine.com/articles/show/1740

Tonight we are taking nominees for Dinner for each category: veggie, main dish, drink, dessert & side. Also tonight the kids are making "campaign" posters for their favorite candidate in the Dinner Party & hanging them up to influence voters. Tomorrow, we'll follow this up with a secret ballot at breakfast. During the day, Mom will tabulate the results and no one will know what they are until dinner is prepared later that day on Election Night. As a follow up, we'll watch some TV voting results and have discussion about it during snack/scripture time on the importance of election and following the prophets' council to protect the family. Have a great FHE!

Humbled

Yesterday morning, after I had done my hair for church, I stepped into the kitchen and saw the fast offering check that Todd had written, laying on the table.

I looked at him and said, "Do you realize that when this check clears, I will not be able to go to the grocery store this week?"

He said, "We need the blessings...how can we not?"

And I said, "I'm not talking about NOT paying, I'm talking about paying LESS...at least let me buy milk this week".

He said, "Do we have it in savings?"

And I said, "Yes"

And he said, "Then transfer it".

I knew he was right, so I let it go. I know full well the importance of paying tithing/fast offerings, so who am I to argue about the amount?

Then we got to church, and it turns out that our Area Authority Seventy, Elder Dan Jones, was presiding at our meeting. After the testimony portion of sacrament meeting, he was given a few minutes to speak.

He told us that as he sits in different wards, he receives inspiration and thoughts about the things he should say. He said that he felt impressed to stress the importance of paying our tithing and fast offerings. (At this point, Todd turned and gave me a smug look, which I deserved) Before General Conference, Elder Jones was in a meeting with Pres. Packer, who told the seventies that "the people need to be reassured during these difficult economic times". He (Elder Jones) promised us that as we paid our tithes and offerings, we would be given comfort and direction in the decisions we make. He closed by bearing his testimony that the ANSWER to the economic challenges that our world is facing, is in paying tithes and offerings.

Let me just TRY to tell you how grateful I was that I hadn't re-written our fast offering check for $5 less. I was at peace all day because of what I HADN'T done. If I'd paid less, I think I would've been stressed all day.

We have our food storage. We are going to be just fine this week without going to the store. I tried giving Dillon powdered milk this morning, just to see what he thought, and he didn't even notice. Some "sacrifice" this is going to be...

How grateful I am for my husband, and his vision....and his lack of looking at our checking account :o) Because he didn't know the numbers, he just wrote out the check. I worry too much about the numbers, but really the most important thing is faith. I know that we'll be just fine this week, because we've paid our tithing and our fast offering.

Above and Beyond

Our friends, Dave and Tina, went above and beyond the call of duty this year to create these AMAZING costumes! They are 100% homemade, using paper mache, foam, paint, etc. They've entered their costumes in a contest online, and you can click here to vote for them until Nov. 4th.

http://www.sugarloot.com/entry/953760721

Today I am thankful...

Today I am thankful that I am NOT a teacher!

Here are my boys, ready for school/work. Todd kept making stupid faces, and I told him this was going on the blog, so it's not my fault that he looks like a duh.

I got this picture of my dad off of my mom's blog.

His name is Floyd, so today he is Pink Floyd.

In the past, he has dressed up as the Salisbury Dough Boy (he is a bakery manager and his last name is Salisbury). Here's a picture from a previous Halloween, in case any of you missed it.

Dillon is a fire. His brothers were firefighters that year.

Great costumes, and great friends!

Our friends, Becky and Don, just stopped by to show me their costumes before heading to a Halloween party. Becky is a corpse bride, and Don....well, just check out his name tag below :o)

Becky and Don have been the best of friends/neighbors to us. They are the same age as my parents, but I get along with Becky as well as I do with any of my "young mother" friends. We talk on the phone quite regularly, and it's so nice sometimes to get her perspective since she's raised 7 kids. She always tells me that she'd love to go back to my "stage of life" with little kids at home, for just one year...and I tell her to keep reminding me of that :o). She does machine quilting like I do, so we share thread, stencils, and ideas.

Don is the local fire chief/EMT/contractor extraordinare. Whenever we have a question about anything related to home maintenance like "how can we wire a light in my quilting room?" or "why is there a river running through our backyard", or "why is our carbon monoxide detector beeping", or "Help! Our neice just fell down our stairs", or "do you have this tool" he comes running (at all hours) and is happy to help.

We are blessed to have them as friends.

I've been "4" Tagged

Here's the tag: Go into your pictures file, open the fourth folder, and then select the fourth picture.

Here's mine: This is Dillon when he was...I have no idea how old he was. I'm pretty sure the outfit is 0-3 mos.

I tag anyone who wants to play.

Therapy minded

Lots of times, as Todd is leaving for work in the morning, I'll kiss him goodbye and tell him to go out and "slay the dragon". I just want him to feel like he's my "knight in shining armor", and know that I appreciate all he does for our family.

This morning, when I repeated the usual phrase, he looked at me and said, "You know...I'm not really about slaying the dragon. I'm more about helping him overcome his anger issues so that we can all live in peace."

Somehow I don't think it would make a very good movie, but whatever. Go out and tame the dragon, Dear.

A few more things...

My sis-in-law, Viola Diva, brought up an important concern in her comment on the last post. She asked, "What about Milk duds? Do they count?"

You'll have to decide in your family if things like Milk Duds, Whoppers, Junior Mints, etc. count (since the ratio of chocolate to nasty stuff is not high enough) and then teach your children accordingly. In our house, there is a debate. Milk Duds are NOT acceptable to me, but they ARE to Todd. In this case, we let our children be the deciding vote, since they are the ones doing most of the work anyway. One could argue that anything other than a plain Hershey's bar is "polluted" with nuts, peanut butter, or caramel, but when forced to choose between polluted chocolate, or a dum dum, the choice my friends, is obvious. You may also wish to discuss tootsie rolls, since they are merely chocolate FLAVORED.

Another important thing to teach, is what the BACKSIDE of the candy bar wrapper looks like. They are usually very plain, but should never be judged by their cover. This is where the flash cards would again come in handy.

The last thing that I need to cover, is chocolate skittles. These are an abomination, and should not under any circumstances be considered chocolate.

Trick-or-treating skills

It's that time of year again. Time for the annual Family Home Evening lesson on trick-or-treating.

Of course, we always cover safety, and manners (always say thank you)....but the most important thing that we've tried to teach our kids is this:

When someone offers you a bowl full of assorted candy and lets you choose what you want...ALWAYS CHOOSE THE CHOCOLATE!

You can practice this most important skill with flash cards (like the picture shown) and have your child give the "right" answer as to which candy they would pick (there are lots of pictures online that you can print). The most obvious choice in this picture, is the Reese's right in the middle. But, upon further observation, you will notice that there is also a Butterfinger, AND a Milky Way. The more you practice with your flash cards, the quicker your child will be able to locate the chocolate.

You can also use our favorite method: role-playing.

Role playing is the most effective way that we have found to teach this important concept. Simply hold a bowl full of assorted candy in front of your kids, and gently slap their hands when they choose the wrong candy. It's called conditioning. And it works. And thanks to our yearly efforts, Todd and I are looking forward to enjoying Snickers, Milky Way, Reese's, Hershey's, and 100 Grands after our kids are nestled into bed this Friday night. It's a date.

For those of you who haven't bothered to teach this to your kids....enjoy the smarties and suckers.

(okay, so we really don't slap them...but you get the idea :o)

Back to the grind

Well...today is Monday and all is well.

After the kids finished throwing up this past week, Todd left for a 3 day training for work, and I had a crappy (hormonal) couple of days. I took my kids to school, then came home and went back to bed. Dillon just crawled in with me and watched me cry...poor kid. I got up at noon, and then went back to bed and watched movies for the rest of the day on our 7" portable DVD player. I felt sorry for myself, cried, and I think I got rid of the past two months worth of stress, because I am feeling SO much better now.

Before Todd came home, I managed to "pull myself together" and clean up the front room. I even went so far as to re-arrange (sort of), and when I needed a bench or table or something to put next to the piano, my friend Vanessa came through for me and gave me one in trade for some quilting. I actually ENJOYED myself, realized how much I missed ME, and then spent the next day at Vanessa's house working on MY OWN quilt.

Yesterday was our Primary Program, and since Todd and I are primary teachers, we sat in the choir seats with the children. The talks didn't get to me, but I struggled hard not to cry during every single song. The kids in my class were singing at the top of their lungs, and I couldn't help being overcome by the spirit. I have LOVED teaching primary with Todd this past year. He got called to be a bell ringer yesterday (Sunday School Secretary) and they asked him to keep his primary calling through the end of the year. He said his heart actually sank when he got the news that he was being released from primary. We've really enjoyed our class--they are a riot! All of the primary teachers in our ward are couples, so I have a feeling I'll be released as well.

Today I'm alive and kickin'. The front part of my house is clean, organized, and inviting; I'm headed off to tackle the dreaded quilt that I've been putting off for over a year, and I'm feeling motivated to paint either my hutch, or one section of my kitchen cabinets tomorrow (if I finish the dreaded quilt).

It's good to feel good again. A special thanks to my closest friends (these are the people who have put up with the most): Andrea, Vanessa, Linda, Mom, and of course Todd, for listening to me cry and complain for the past couple of months, and especially the past couple of weeks. And thanks to ALL of you who have commented, called, e-mailed, snail mailed, given hugs, prayed, or even thought about us. I feel your support and am so grateful for good friends. I feel truly blessed.

I "found myself again" by moving our old trunk (came with the house) to the middle of my livingroom as sort of a coffee table. I'm hoping it will reduce some of the clutter, and the kids' craziness by having less space to move around in here ;o)

The trunk was next to the piano (protecting it from kids running around the corner), but when I moved it to it's "coffee table position" I was left with this empty space. Vanessa called at the perfect time and offered this table which ended up fitting perfectly. I ran over and got it, and had my room put together before Todd arrived home. It's just so nice to have an inviting space to come home to, and for me it was nice to do something I love...stare at stuff and re-arrange :o)Todd is going to add a shelf to the bottom of the table, so I can have baskets or containers sitting there to house library books and winter gloves and hats (two things I never have a "place" for).

I moved my quilt ladder from the right side of the piano, to this cozy little corner where it just looks better. The quilt I worked on at Vanessa's house is a table topper to sit on my little octagon table (it was my great grandma's) which I plan to paint when I paint my hutch. We got the lamp on clearance at the big W store, and if anyone knows where I can get a tiny little berry wreath to sit on that empty "shelf" under the lampshade, please let me know.

Now I just need to lose a few (20 or 30) pounds and have a new family picture taken, since Dillon is 6 months old in this one.

We support proposition 8

My brother and his wife, as well as my cousin (who all live in California) both had this picture on their blogs today. It made want to laugh and cry at the same time.

Although I cannot vote in the CA elections, I wanted to let all of you who have spent so much time and effort on this important issue, know that we support you and are grateful for what you have done (and are currently doing) to fight for religious freedom, and for families.

Stand for truth and righteousness at all times,

and in all things, and in all places...

Brayden's baptism

Brayden was baptized on October 18, 2008.

The proud father :o)


The proud family
"Can we change out of our suits, yet?"


Chuck and Susan and their family came (Todd's best friend from high school), and Todd's brother Aaron and his wife Cherish surprised us by showing up the night before the baptism. They came from Washington bringing Aunt Elizabeth's "sweet ride" (a '08 Honda CRV) because she moved down to start school this winter.
Linda (Grandma Graves) was especially excited, because Brayden was baptized on the 33rd anniversary of her own baptism.

I feel bad that I didn't get any pictures of my family. I always hate to be the "pain" and round everyone up for pictures, so I stopped after this one. My mom and dad hosted a wonderful lunch after the baptism. Thank you to EVERYONE who came (or helped with the lunch) for your love and support. I'm afraid I wasn't much help after having a D&C the day before, but the day was a success thanks to all of you.

Dillon said it

Last night, Dillon burped or hiccupped or something, and after 24 hours of dumping puke buckets, I instantly reacted by over-questioning him about how he was feeling and whether he was about to throw-up.

He looked at me and said,

"No, mom. You fuhst feew wite you awe doe-ing to die...and den you fwow-up."

(translation: you first feel like you are going to die, and then you throw up)

Apparently he didn't feel like he was going to die :o)

Should've saved that last picture...

I should've saved the barfing pumpkin for this post, since thats what we're doing today. Dillon's been throwing up all day, Todd came home from work at 3:00 feeling sick, and I just found Caleb asleep in his bed. Brayden tells me that Caleb wasn't feeling well.

So...I guess Brayden and I will eat the chicken noodle soup that I just made for dinner, and pray that we stay well!

Whenever I finally get un-packed from our weekend (and find the camera) I'll post Brayden's baptism pics. Hopefully I got some better ones than my mom, 'cause she e-mailed one of me where I'm pretty sure I had about 42 chins :oP

Of course, I woke up that morning with my face all puffy...apparently I had a reaction to the medication they used to put me out for the D&C.

**Update:
Everyone (except me ) was throwing up last night. Until about 2:00 AM I was dumping puke buckets every twenty minutes. I finally slept from 2:00-4:00, and then it all started again. We're just resting today, and so far I am doing fine...and I'd like to keep it that way!
Perhaps I'll unpack from our trip tomorrow....or the next day.

It's all over

I had the D&C this morning, and everything went smoothly. I didn't get sick from the anesthesia, and I refused the percocet since I'd rather be in pain, than have nausea. If anyone would like some percocet, I DO have a $2500 bill that I need to pay now....just kidding!

The picture I chose, is simply because I feel like I've had my insides scraped out with a spoon....and because this guy makes me laugh :o) I will most certainly be a little softer when I carve my jack-o-lantern this year.

I can't tell you how much I appreciated the doctor (Blackett), all the nurses, and the anesthesiologist (Dr. Larson) at the Cache Valley Specialty Hospital. If I ever live here again, I will most certainly do any procedure I can at this hospital. Everyone was absolutely wonderful. The nurses had Todd laughing the whole time we were waiting this morning.

When the anesthesiologist asked me if this was my first pregnancy, I thought he was going to fall off his chair when I answered, "no, it's my seventh".

I guess someday I will appreciate looking young.

It reminded me of the time when my friend Mindy, and I, took our Beehives to the Logan temple to do baptisms for the dead (we were leaders of the 12 year old youth group for our church). We all crowded into the main area by the desk, and the worker looked at us and asked, "Do you girls have any leaders with you?" I guess Mindy and I both looked about twelve :o)

Do you remember that, Mindy?

Each miscarriage has been difficult, but I have to say that it was harder before I had any kids. For those of you out there who are suffering from recurrent miscarriages, and don't have any children, just try to have hope. I know how hard it is because I have been there, and they take a lot longer to "get over". Everything in your life changes when you see that little "plus" sign....and everything changes again when it doesn't work out.

I still remember each of my miscarriages, and the days that they happened, and the days that I was due, but I have my three precious little boys to keep me going. I am so grateful for them, and so grateful that things went well today, so that I'll be able to watch my Brayden be baptized tomorrow morning.

Update

Tomorrow morning I will be having a D&C. I went to a pre-op apptointment today and I feel good about it. The horrible situation that my Dr. at home described (the reason he doesn't like to do D&C's, and the reason I was worried about it) is apparently VERY rare. Dr. Blackett, who is on call for my doctor here in Logan, is performing the procedure. I really liked her, so that is especially nice. She didn't try to talk me out of my decision; she fully supported it. She saw me during her lunch hour today, and was even willing to work around my hair appoinment! I felt like she really cared about what I was going through.

She did a third ultrasound, which showed that there WAS a baby...it just stopped growing at 6 weeks and 1 day. This is what happens when you have a "real" ultrasound in a "real" city with a "real" doctor. At home I couldn't get them to do a vaginal ultrasound, so things don't show up as well. All we could see was an empty sac. I was relieved to have one last ultrasound (by an OB/GYN) before going through with this.

Todd has to go out of town for work next week, so I am glad that this will all be over. I will be 10 weeks along tomorrow, and that is long enough to feel tired and pregnant when it's all in vain. Thank you to everyone who has called or e-mailed or commented about your experiences. It is so nice to have such a large support system.

I am now going to go gag on my toothbrush for the last time with this pregnancy, and hopefully get some sleep.

second ultrasound

We had a second ultrasound this afternoon, which confirmed that there is no baby. All I can say is that it's better to know, than to wonder. I was way past the point of caring about the cost...I just wanted to know.

Tomorrow I'm going to look into the pro's and con's of a D&C. If anyone has any experience there, I'd love to hear about it.

It's the little things...

On Saturday night, I went to the sink to wash a spatula so I could use it to frost Brayden's birthday cake, and noticed that Todd had re-filled our soap dispenser that had run out of dish soap. So I thanked him.

He looked at me funny, and then said:

Today I ran power to the bathroom downstairs, hooked up an outlet and three light switches, installed two light fixtures, installed a new faucet in the bathroom upstairs, and made icing for Brayden's birthday cake....and you're thanking me for re-filling the soap dispenser?

But see, the thing that he doesn't get, is that re-filling the soap dispenser saved me a few minutes when I was tired, and I was grateful. I probably would've thanked him for changing the toilet paper roll too....but that didn't happen :o).

I am ALSO grateful that he did all that other stuff, because we are well on our way to a second bathroom.

Thank you Todd! I am so grateful for all you do for us, but especially the little things, like scraping the frost off the van window in the morning, getting up early to light the fire so our house is warm when we get up, and throwing in loads of laundry, or remembering to rotate it when I forget.

You are my "happy thought" and I love you for...you.