I've got my tinsel in a tangle...

Here's a re-cap of my morning, which began with just enough time for everyone to read two verses of Alma before breakfast. We didn't even bother to wake Dillon up.

The Scene:

Brayden and Caleb serving themselves a bowl of Lucky Charms, while I try to empty the dishwasher (working around a stroller and a cooler that are in the middle of my workspace), and Todd takes a quick nap on the couch (he's working 8am-8pm today and tomorrow in order to get all his phone calls in for the week).

Me: (noticing the hardened pea's and corn on the garbage can lid from yesterday) If I can gather up the garbage now, maybe Todd will take it out to the road on his way to work and I won't have to take it out and expose my "medusa hair" to the rest of the town.

~Stop emptying dishwasher, and start gathering garbage~

Why is there a wet Cabela's hat in the bathroom garbage can?

Random Male household member: "It was sitting in front of the toilet in a puddle of water so I threw it away."

Really? It can be washed you know. We can't just go out and buy a new hat because this one got wet.

~Fill the bathroom sink with water, add some oxi-clean and put hat in to soak...just in case it was sitting in pee. Realize there is a load in the washing machine that's been there since Saturday night and start it again. Turn off the lights in the boys bedroom, and the family room, and head back upstairs~

Dillon: (who's up now) Can I have some leftover coffee cake?

Me: Just a minute. I need to finish gathering the garbage. Caleb, stop talking and eat. Brayden, stop reading comics and eat.

~take the garbage out to the can and realize it's RAINING!?! and that our football is sitting in the middle of the road (?) Todd is snoring in the background~

Dillon: (shaking presents under the tree) I think this one is a giant lego set...this one is a lego hero factory...this one a CD...this one pajamas...pajamas...more pajamas...don't know...who is this one for? It doesn't have a name...

Me: Todd, can you take the garbage can out to the road?

Todd: Brayden, take the garbage out to the road.

Dillon: Mom, can you finish wrapping all the presents today?

Me: Caleb and Brayden come here so I can comb your hair. Brayden, go out and get the football out of the road.

~Todd takes the garbage out to the road. I get kids out the door and continue unloading the dishwasher. Baby wakes up~

Dillon: Can you get me some coffee cake?

Me: Just a minute. I've got to change Justin's diaper.

~Change diaper, and sit baby on a blanket on the floor. Get him a toy and a pacifier and return to work in the kitchen. Dillon is back to present inspecting. Todd comes back home to get his coat after realizing it's colder than it looks~

Me: (mentally reminding myself to say my morning prayers as soon as I finish with the dishes) How did this sink get so full of dirty dishes while we slept?

~start loading dirty dishes into dishwasher but stop early because baby is crying~

Grabbing a notebook and a pencil that desperately needs to be sharpened, I settle down into the recliner to feed the baby and make my to-do list.

-Fax Benesyst

-make up WIC appt.

-buy milk

-buy a $5 gift for 3rd grade gift exchange

-buy gifts for family Christmas party exchange (just found out last night)

-work on quilt

Dillon: Mom, can you get me coffee cake now?

Me: (why can't I think straight?) Just a minute, Dill...I'm feeding the baby.

-wrap presents

-mail pictures to Grandma's

-sew pajama pants

-plan dinner and FHE

What can I make using that leftover reindeer (I mean elk) roast from yesterday? The kids didn't like it, but maybe they'll like it in stroganoff...

-visiting teaching

-fold laundry

-teacher gifts

-neighbor gifts?

Dillon: Mom, would you like me to tell you the names of all the clones I know? Commander Cody, Rex...

~Set baby down on floor. Get myself a piece of coffee cake and sit down to eat it~

Dillon: Mom, you said you would get me some coffee cake.

Me: I'm sorry buddy, you left the room and I forgot.

~Leave my coffee cake to get Dillon a piece. Baby starts fussing and I discover he's pooped. Change diaper and leave it on the changing table since there's no liner in the garbage can. Wrap baby in a burrito and turn on the flying bears (mobile) for morning nap~

Me: (loading the dishwasher again) Realize I never finished my coffee cake and that I need some protein to go with it or I'll end up feeling sick.

Dillon: Can I play Wii?

Me: You know the rule. No Wii 'til after 3 and not until jobs are done....You know what? I changed my mind. Go play Wii while I think.

~Dillon out of the picture. Baby asleep. Microwave leftover potatoes and gravy and elk meat (gotta have my protein) and begin blogging for "therapy" before my head explodes~

Realize I never said my morning prayers.

Stop. Re-group. Pray. Realize it's time to feed Dillon lunch and get him off to kindergarten in 30 minutes.

I guess I'll shower tomorrow.

Oh wait! Medusa hair...

My kids are smarter than me...or is it I?

This morning, during family scripture study, Caleb was reading Mosiah 29:36 and when he got to the word "repugnant" he asked, "Does this word have a silent 'g' or is there a two letter phonogram?"

huh?

Actually, I did know what he was talking about, since I attended a parent training at the school last night, but I didn't know the answer to his question. I really don't think it's either, but I don't know why.

Yes, we had a parent training meeting, so that we could learn this stuff ourselves, so we can help our kids with their homework. One mom even brought her son's homework page to the meeting, since she didn't know how to do it. I had seen the page before, but luckily my kids have never asked for my help 'cause I wouldn't have had a clue.

Back in my day, I was taught that in the word "game" the "e" on the end made the vowel say it's own name.

It turns out, that's only one job of words ending in "e", and there are four others, and my kids not only know the others, but they also know why.

And it helps them to read, AND spell better. No wonder they have been able to sound out those big words in the scriptures since 1st and 2nd grade. It's really quite amazing to me.

Did you know that the word "have" has an "e" on the end because no English word can end in the letter "v"? In this case the "e" doesn't make the "a" say it's long sound. And that's because of rule #4,326...or something like that. (actually, there are ONLY 29 rules).

My kids actually know the number of the rule that tells them that.

Their spelling lists are crazy looking. The words are divided into syllables (which my kids know how to do and why you would do it that way based on the pattern of vowels and consonants in each word), and the phonograms are underlined and marked with numbers corresponding to the rules. Not only can they read this "greek" but they can write it, too.

The teachers e-mail the assignments to the parents each week, so we can watch for it in their backpacks. I asked Brayden's teacher if she would also send the answers, so that after I do the assignment myself, I can check my answers before I help the kids...if they even need my help, which so far, they haven't.

Some words are camel words. Others are tiger words. I have no idea how in the hell you are supposed to know which they are, but luckily there will be another parent training next quarter so I can find out.

Or maybe I'll just ask my kids.

Emergency Preparedness

Our county was under a tornado warning for most of the day yesterday.

Since we live in the mountains, it's not something I EVER expected.

I wasn't too worried, but decided to do what I could to prepare for a possible power outage, which seemed more likely, and take some time to consider the "state" of our emergency preparedness.

My cousin, Erin, called and we formed a plan. Our husbands would stay at work (Todd is on-call this week) and she would come to my house since I have a basement.

Our kids were all at the school, and I realized that I have never sent the emergency kit for each of my kids that the school has asked for. I reassured myself with the fact that Jackie and Dillon's classes were connected, and Brayden was right across the hallway, but none of that would've been as comforting to them as a note from Mom.

I realized that even though I have 72 hour kits, they are outdated and I have nothing in there for a baby. Todd doesn't have any emergency supplies at his office, either.

My back-up plan for cooking without power is my grill. Not only was my propane tank empty, but I realized that during a tornado (or high winds which are common here) I wouldn't be able to use a grill anyway.

I reassured myself that we could live on marshmallows, cooked over the fire in our wood-burning stove :o) ...but our woodpile was completely soaked from three days of rain.

I remembered being in my parents ward on a 5th Sunday when they were discussing emergency preparedness. Someone said that in an emergency, there is a chance that your cell phone may not work in-state, but you may be able to call out-of-state. I don't remember exactly why, but I did call my Mom and make sure she had my mother-in-law's phone number for purposes of communicating if we couldn't make an in-state call. Although, I think this would be more applicable during a really bad earthquake.

Our van had less than 1/2 a tank of gas, the truck was running on fumes, and I had about $20 cash on hand.

Our ward/town has an emergency system in place to check on each other. We have an envelope with colored construction paper inside that we are supposed to put in our window. Green means everyone inside the house is okay. Red means we need emergency help, and Black means there's been a death. There is someone on each block assigned to go around to the houses and quickly check everyone's windows in an emergency. We are supposed to turn our walkie-talkies to a certain channel for communicating.

I didn't know where my envelope of papers was, and our walkie-talkie's were not charged.

The good news is that we DID have flashlights and batteries, AND I even knew where they were.

The even better news is that we didn't even have so much as a windstorm, let alone green skies, hailstones, or a power outage. A tornado was sighted near Bullfrog, which I believe is in our county, but it's over two hours away from us.

I guess I'd better try a little harder with our emergency preparedness, because I wouldn't have as much time to think or prepare for an earthquake or a flash flood, which are MUCH more likely.

Thank you for being a friend

My friend and next-door-neighbor, Andrea, moved away on Friday.

It still hasn't really hit me.

It occurred to me after she left that even though we've talked nearly every day for the last four years, we never took a single picture together.

She's one of those friends I could be myself with, and never worry 'cause she didn't judge. For the first year that I lived here we talked on the phone every single day for at least an hour.

I don't know what I would've done without her.

She listened to me cry when my father-in-law got cancer, and was there for me through two miscarriages.

We exchanged dinners, watched each others kids, and listened to each others "crazy". We talked about anything and everything from parenting, to money, to conference talks, to small town ways, to cleaning tips, recipes, gardening secrets, and ways to be better mothers. We watered each others lawns and fed each others dogs while the other was out of town. Our kids got along fabulously and spent hours together playing in our two yards. We celebrated birthdays, and holidays together. We helped each other paint. We broke into each others houses (and closets) for forgotten temple recommends. We printed documents when the other was out of ink. When my fridge died this summer, she let me store all my food in her fridge while she was out of town. Whenever I had a question about our insurance, or the kids school schedules, or anything related to math, I knew I could count on her. She is talented in the area's I lack.

And I will miss her.

I know we'll keep in touch, but it's not the same as being neighbors. Our new neighbors moved in yesterday, and it was weird to see the lights on last night, knowing that everything is different inside.

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true

You're a pal and a confidant

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see, the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say,

Thank you for being a friend.

The first day of school...a Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a young mother gave birth to her fourth child two weeks before school started. She had a goal to keep her house in order for those two weeks, and just knew that when school started, life would be a breeze.

The night before school started, she gave haircuts, laid out new clothes that the kids were excited to wear, and hung their backpacks on their hooks.

In the morning, the kids came upstairs, dressed and ready for the day, and ready to read scriptures as a family. This young mother then made a nice scrambled egg breakfast with a glass of juice and a piece of whole wheat toast on the side.

While the kids ate, the mother got dressed in her pre-baby plaid shorts (since she was already back to her pre-pregnancy weight) and used an expensive flat-iron to straighten her freshly washed hair.

After breakfast, the kids brushed their teeth, put their toothbrushes away, and happily lined up to take their "first day of school pictures" which turned out so well she decided to have them blown up to an 8x10 size to hang on the wall. The baby slept the whole time.

While the older two kids were gone for the day, this mother had big plans. She made back to school cupcakes with mini chalkboards, an apple, and a cute little piece of chalk made out of a tic tac. It was difficult between feeding the new baby, and rotating loads of laundry, but the image of sitting down with her children and talking about their first day kept her going.

When she finished the cupcakes, she somehow managed to fold laundry, take a nap, and play a game with the 5 year old since he was starting Kindergarten the following week and it was their last chance to have time together.

The older kids finally arrived home, hung up their backpacks, and shared their day with her over cupcakes and milk. After feeding the dog, practicing their piano, and tidying up their rooms, they played video games while the mother made a wonderful dinner so they could sit around the table as a family and share their day with Dad when he arrived home from work.

By the end of the day, the mother was exhausted. She looked around at all the dirty dishes, and the crumbs on the floor and wanted to cry. Just then, some music started playing in the background, and all the dishes began to sing and dance and put themselves in the dishwasher! The mop danced around the room while fairy dust sparkled in the air, and the mother drifted off to sleep, dreaming about the wonderful day she would have tomorrow.

And they all lived happily ever after.

And now for the real story:

Once upon a time, a young mother gave birth to her fourth child two weeks before school started. She had a goal to keep her house in order for those two weeks, and just knew that when school started, life would be a breeze.

The night before school started, she was ever so grateful that Grandma had cut the kids' hair a couple weeks ago, since they had to spend the evening cleaning out their backpacks from last year. Luckily, they didn't find any rotten fruit or moldy sandwiches. She told the kids to lay out their clothes, and when she saw that one of them was going to wear a stupid T-shirt that portrayed pizza as the only food group, she played her "Mom card" and made them wear stupid shirts with collars.

In the morning, the kids came upstairs, coughing all the way (apparently they finally caught the cold that everyone in town has), and the baby needed to eat during family scripture study. Instead of making a nice scrambled egg breakfast, Mom burped the baby while the kids ate the sugary chocolate cereal that Dad picked out last week, and left a few wet "krispies" in each bowl to harden like cement.

When the baby was happy, the mother was thrilled to get dressed in her pre-baby plaid shorts (she was amazingly already back to her pre-pregnancy weight, and even though none of her other pants fit yet, the shorts did!). It made up for the fact that she didn't get a shower, and didn't have time to do her hair.

After breakfast, the kids announced that they were out of toothpaste, so they had to use Mom and Dad's toothpaste. Mom didn't care because she considered the morning (and the entire summer) a success, just because they knew what color their toothbrushes were.

They really needed to leave to get to school, but the mom herded the kids outside to take pictures, yelling the entire time that they needed to make themselves laugh so that their smiles wouldn't look so constipated.

While the older two kids were gone for the day, this mother had big plans. She had a few errands to run, and she had seen some cute back to school cupcakes with mini chalkboards, an apple, and a little piece of chalk that she wanted to make for after-school snack.

The errands turned out to be an all-day event. First she took the 5 year old to Kindergarten testing (10 minutes late because she was feeding the baby, and because the front door of the school is as far from the Kindergarten class as it can possibly be). Next they went to the "Courthouse/DMV/USU extension/Workforce Services/Sherriff's Office/Health Department/WIC office" building to turn in some paperwork. She realized while filling out the info for the baby's birth certificate that she needed to go to the store and get cash to pay for it, as well as the one dollar she owed the USU extension office for the soccer season that was starting that week. She left the paperwork, and lugged the baby in the carseat back up the stairs and out to the car, and then into the store, where the 5 year old wanted to eat lunch because he was starving. After the 5 year old had finished off his bag of chips without touching his pizza, the mom got a to-go box, and her cash, and after showing the new baby to three or four people who wanted a peek, she went back to the "Courthouse/DMV/USU extension/Workforce Services/Sherriff's Office/Health Department/WIC office" building, where she discovered that both of the Health Department employees, as well as the USU extension ladies, had gone to lunch. Her uterus and sciatic nerve were beginning to tell her that it was time to rest, but she kept plugging along anyway, resolving to return that afternoon to finish her errands (but she forgot).

There obviously wasn't time to make the cupcakes, or fold the laundry, or take a nap, but she decided that it didn't really matter because her kids probably didn't even know what a chalkboard was, since they have SmartBoards in their classrooms, and instead she would make cookies with the 5 year old, since it was one of their last chances to do something together before he started school in a week. They started the cookies, but within minutes the 5 year old decided he'd rather play video games, so the Mom finished them herself.

The older kids arrived home, and since the cookies were not quite finished, they dropped their backpacks and shoes on the floor and ran downstairs to watch their brother play Wii. The mom asked how their day was, and they answered, "Fine". The mother told them to feed the dog, practice their piano, and clean their rooms, but she was too tired to enforce it, and couldn't really bear the thought of listening to their piano lesson, so they played on the computer instead (and accidentally unplugged the router so the Internet stopped working). Since their cousin was coming over to use the Internet that night, the mother spent the next half an hour trying to figure out why the router wasn't working, and just when she fixed the problem, she got a call reminding her of Pack meeting at the swimming pool that night.

In lieu of dinner, she gave one kid the leftover pizza from the 5 year old's lunch, and two kids had yet another bowl of chocolatey sugary cereal, before they rushed off to pack meeting at the pool. Since the Dad was still at work, and the Mom couldn't get into the pool so soon after a new baby, she sat on the sidelines and did her best to watch three kids (in two different pools) who don't know how to swim. Her excitement at fitting into her pre-baby shorts was deflated when she saw the other cute young mom's in their size 2 swimsuits, trendy sunglasses, and flat-ironed hair and she realized that she was just an overweight girl in plaid shorts who was wearing a ponytail because she still hadn't gotten a shower.

By the end of the day, the mother was exhausted. She looked around at all the dirty dishes, and the crumbs on the floor and wanted to cry. Instead she went to bed, while her husband stayed up until 2 AM with the baby. When she got up in the night to feed the little one, all the errands and carrying that carseat had caught up with her and she could barely walk.

Thankfully, her husband let her sleep in, and she vaguely remembered waving goodbye to her children (from her bed) on their second day of school.

The mother slept in, fed the baby, and felt much better after blogging about her day. She was just about to take a shower when she noticed the time and realized that since it was Friday, the kids would be home early.

A few minutes later, they walked in the door, dropped their backpacks, and asked "What's for lunch?"

And the mother realized they were out of bread.

So the kids had leftover cookies for lunch and they all lived happily ever after.

The day after Christmas

I've done a lot of pondering today.

My mom left this morning. The house is clean (even the blinds...thanks Mom!), the boys are playing Wii, and all is calm.

It feels like the day after Christmas.

You spend so much time and energy preparing for one day, and then it finally comes and it goes by so quickly...while you're in a dreamlike state, and then just like that, life moves on.

There's almost a sense of sadness, and yet...Would I go back in time to last week if given the chance? No way!

But I already miss the anticipation.

It truly is a miracle, how a doctor can hand you a crying, purple, bloody baby, while three complete strangers are running around with towels and gloves and staring at your crotch, and in that one single instant it makes up for all the morning sickness, constipation, hemmorrhoids, mood swings, weight gain, crotch pain, and heartburn.

I have fallen head over heals in love with this dark haired little boy. When he rolled over from his tummy to his back this morning, I wanted to cry because I know how fast he'll grow up. And I'm not ready for it.

My mother-in-law swears that I will just "know" when I'm finished having kids, but I still cannot fathom NOT doing this again.

Perhaps in a couple weeks, when I'm helping one kid with homework, while nursing the baby and listening to another kid plunk away at his piano lesson, and dinner is burning on the stove, and I'm behind on laundry, and I realize that we're out of dog food and I have to run to the store before they close in ten minutes...I might change my mind.

But for now, I sure love having this new little spirit in our home. And even though I got the perfect gift, the anticipation is over and it's time to move on...and grow up...and I can't help feeling a little bit sad at the thought that he might be my last baby.

I don't want to think about it. So I guess I'll try my best to enjoy every minute, and I hope that when I have "one of those days" I will remember my feelings today.

Cooking and cleaning can wait 'til tomorrow

For babies grow up, I've learned to my sorrow

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep

Preparing for baby and some anxious rambling

For Family Home Evening last night, I downloaded some baby care video clips to show to the boys. We learned about diapering, home safety, car seat safety, newborn sleep patterns, bathing, and swaddling (a.k.a. the burrito wrap).

Then we had the boys crawl around on the floor and search for things the baby might put in his mouth. They were quite surprised at the number of marbles/coins/lego's they found, but were happy to pick them up for the baby's sake. I think they will actually be more careful now.

When Todd went downstairs to check on the kids after bedtime, their Webkinz animals were all "swaddled" in pillowcases or towels.

I think they're ready :o)

I, on the other hand, am starting to get paranoid.

I'm afraid of my water breaking in the middle of sacrament meeting and having to walk down the aisle gushing water all the way.

I'm worried about the head being so big I'll need a c-section.

And most of all, I'm terrified of having to deliver in the van because we are so far away from the hospital.

I can't tell you how many birth stories I've heard lately (of people I know) who wouldn't have made it the 2 hours and 15 minutes that I have to go to get to the hospital.

In the past, I've had plenty of time, but my water has never broken. Since I'm usually sitting at 3-4 cm. dialated for several weeks before the birth, it makes me nervous to think of how fast it could go if my water were to break. With Caleb I went from 7-10 cm. in seconds.

All of my babies so far have had "need" to be in the hospital when they were born.

Brayden was facing the wrong way and was caught behind my bone. After 1 1/2 hours of pushing, the doctor stuck his arm "in" up to his elbow (or so it seemed) and realized that the baby was "sunny-side-up", and then used forceps to "unhook" him from where he was caught. At that point I was able to push him right out, but Todd certainly couldn't have delivered him in a car...

Caleb was born with the cord around his neck and had to be resuscitated. It took him several minutes to breathe. The doctor actually had to cut his cord as soon as his head came out...before his shoulders came. Once again, we do not have the right equipment (or knowledge) in our car.

When Dillon was born, the amniotic fluid was cloudy, rather than clear, and the placenta had a streak of infection in it. He ended up needing oxygen, and then was taken to NICU for antibiotics.

I also don't like the idea of an epidural, and yet I have NO desire to do it without. With Brayden I couldn't feel ANYTHING at all. No pressure...nothing. Caleb's epidural was perfect, and with Dillon it only worked on one side. That was miserable because I wanted to get up and move around for the pain, but couldn't because one side was numb. So, out of three epidurals, only one worked like it was supposed to.

Having said that, though, I LOVE how calm things are after the epidural. It's like a date since the kids are somewhere else, and I love just spending that time alone with Todd, anticipating our little one with minimal discomfort.

With my first miscarriage, I went through labor just like it's described in the books. I think it's because it was a blighted ovum that made it different from my other miscarriages. Anyway, it's the only time in my life that I truly thought I might die...and I didn't care because at least the pain would be gone. My contractions got closer, my water broke, my legs were numb and I was shaking uncontrollably. I gave birth to a "product of pregnancy". The part I didn't have to deal with was tearing or stitches...but it doesn't sound too pleasant to do that without medication.

The one thing that would make me consider doing it again is the adrenaline rush I had after it was all over. I went from being in the most pain I've ever been in, to feeling like I could run a marathon in a matter of seconds. It was amazing.

And yet, I still prefer the pain-free way.

But, if my blood platelets have gone back down, or if I end up delivering in the car I won't have the choice.

I kind of like having the choice.

Todd definitely likes having the choice.

And so I sit and stew. I like to plan, and with babies you really can't plan. I am grateful for all of our friends and neighbors who have volunteered to help us, even in the middle of the night, because the chances of Mom being here at the right time are not likely. I know we'll be taken care of.

But please, pray for me to make it to the hospital. Or at least to have cell service to call an ambulance if needed.

There is a hospital that is only 50 minutes away from us, but I've had an ultrasound and non-stress test there every week for the past month, and I've only ever seen ONE baby there. And there's only ever been ONE labor and delivery nurse on duty. And there aren't any OB/GYN's...just family doctor's. They're not very busy. I guess that could work to my advantage because maybe I would get more care and attention, but I think I prefer a doctor and a hospital that does this every day. I'm a fan of experience. Especially with my history. If my water breaks on it's own, though, I'll probably head there anyway.

I guess that's enough rambling for today. If you made it to the end of this...bless your heart. Thanks for listening.

Need ideas

Help!

I am officially on a very low or no fat diet for the rest of my pregnancy since my gall bladder is giving me fits...again. I had this problem at the end of my last two pregnancies, but only for 6 or 8 weeks. This time I have 16 weeks to go.

If anyone has any low-fat or no fat recipes they'd like to share I would love to hear from you.

There are low-fat recipes all over the internet, but I need some that use "normal" ingredients that I have at my house (like my food storage)...not "Chipotle Red Pepper Chutney" or "Chicken Tabbouleh Salad", or things I can't afford, like "Sea Bass en Papillote".

Basically, I have three weeks for my gall bladder to go completely bad and I could still have it out laparoscopically. After 28 weeks along, if things get worse, I will have to suffer through the pain until the baby is far enough along that they can induce him early and then remove my gall bladder...a choice I'm not exactly fond of.

Part of me wants to eat all kinds of fat and have a major attack so I can just get it out now...but it's best for the baby to wait until after he is born. So, for now I'll just do my best to control the pain with diet.

I'm waiting for blood test results, and have an ultrasound on my gall bladder scheduled for Friday. Depending on those results I still might try to convince my doctor to take it out now, but only if I feel really good about it.

Oh, how I wish I'd done this after Dillon was born, but I was still recovering from an appendectomy and I wasn't in the mood to have another surgery.

I used to think that I only had trouble while I was pregnant, but after doing some research, I'm realizing that I've had gall bladder issues for the past few years. Aside from the instant heartburn I got every time I rolled on my right side, I can't tell you how many times I've said to Todd, "It feels like my food isn't digesting"...I wish I'd known before I was pregnant that it was all a gall bladder problem.

You can comment with any recipes or idea's you might have, or e-mail them to me at gravesrus2 at scinternet dot net.

My friend Andrea gave me a recipe on Saturday night, after I was still hungry from eating cantaloupe, grapes, and zucchini all day, and it was a hit with the whole family...even Todd.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies (low-fat)

Take a small can of pumpkin, a spice cake mix, and 1 cup chocolate chips. Mix them together (you DON'T add the eggs or oil to the cake mix), and make pumpkin choco. chip cookies, or mini-muffins by baking at 325 degrees for 20 minutes. They weren't quite as good as Dad's from the bakery, but quite low in fat and ALMOST as good.

To keep myself sane list

When Todd was finishing his thesis, he took the biggest whiteboard we had and made a list of everything he needed to do to finish up...just so he could keep it all straight in his head.

With our basement project needing to be finished by April 1st, we've decided it's time for another "sane list". How convenient that blogger lets me put a list on the side of my blog where everyone in the world can see if I don't stay on task.

I'm sure Todd will add to it when he gets home, but for now I listed everything I can think of, and I'm going to start by opening a new box of girl scout cookies, and folding the mound of laundry on my couch.

Shoot. I forgot to add that to the list.

Let's get real 2009: Perfect People Lie

Amy is hosting a "Get Real" party in honor of my sister, who is feeling the effects of having two little kids, hormone issues, and not enough sleep.

Before I unveil my mess, I just want to mention that I think my sister is AMAZING. I can relate to how she's feeling, since I've been through post-partum depression, and because I too was born of goodly parents who are COMPLETE OPPOSITES. We are truly walking contradictions. Mom is very disciplined and organized, and Dad's schedule changes with the wind. It causes us to feel the need to be super creative and fulfull all of our artsy-fartsy dreams, and yet stick to every rule of perfection.

I've spent my week working on a huge project, and haven't spent an ounce of time on my house, so this is as real as it gets. The worst part? My project is an ORGANIZATIONAL WALL to help me get it together.

Here's the livingroom. Computer on the arm of the couch, grocery bags on the seats, and the boys PJ's on the floor where they got dressed for school. Our scriptures are scattered around the room, the 8th seat to our van is next to the piano where it's been for over a month, and I believe that there's a boot cover from a fireman's costume under the piano bench.
And the kitchen table. What is there to say? We certainly can't eat here. We'll have to eat at the bar...

...or maybe not. The dishwasher has had clean dishes in it for two days, while all the dirty dishes line the counters, mixed with all the stuff I've been using for my project.

And then there's my sewing room. If there were a spot, my sewing machine would go right there where the orange mug is sitting.

I should've taken a picture of the boys' room. It is actually CLEAN. My kids are doing better than I am.

I hope this makes someone feel better!

Eleven Years

Eleven years ago today I married my best friend. And for the first time in eleven years, we are apart on our anniversary. I am "here" visiting my family and doing some last minute school shopping, and he is "there" at home working.

I miss you, Todd.

Here's a quick run-down of our years together:

1998- Our first date was on February 29th, we started seriously dating on May 10th, talked about marriage on May 17th, and Todd proposed on May 28th. We were married in the Logan temple on August 21st. Todd started school at USU, and worked at an inbound call center. I started working at a preschool/daycare center in Logan. We lived in "the little house" in Newton.

1999- I got called as a beehive advisor in Young Women, and Todd became the scoutmaster. We had an early miscarriage in May, and another at 11 weeks on the 24th of July. We spent our first anniversary in Park City, I started working as a computer specialist in an elementary school, and we flew to Washington for Christmas.

2000- We lived with my parents for a couple months while the bathroom floor was being re-done in "the little house". Todd started driving a bus for Logan transit, and Brayden was born on October 12th. I started doing daycare at home for two little girls from our ward.

2001- We bought our first van, took a vacation to Mt. St. Helen's with Todd's parents, discovered we were pregnant with #2, and I started teaching preschool at home. In the fall, I started working as an artist for Rebecca Wood Designs, painting needlepoint canvas.

2002- We missed the Olympics in Salt Lake because we were busy moving to Logan. Caleb was born on April 3rd. I was called as the "nursery coordinator" in our ward with 5 nurseries, and later became the Relief Sociey secretary. Todd was put in the Elder's Quorum presidency...I think. He still drove bus, went to school, and worked with children who had witnessed domestic violence. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was struggling with post-partum depression. Caleb started having seizures, we had to call the ambulance a couple times, and we went to Primary Children's for tests.

2003- This year is a blur for me. I discovered quilting, started working 2 days a week at Red Rooster Quilts and Treasures, and took out a loan for my own quilting machine. I got help for the depression, and "found myself" again through quilting. Todd got into the MFT program at USU, and Caleb's seizures finally stopped in August. In October I began quilting at home.

2004- In April we went to Washington for Easter, and found out in May that we were pregnant with #3. In October (on Brayden's birthday) I had my appendix out at 20 weeks pregnant. I found out we were having a boy when they were looking for my appendix in an ultrasound at 3:00 AM in the hospital. I drove myself to the hospital, by the way, and Todd will never live it down. He thought I had gas. :o) I was called as the ward choir director, and Todd became the executive secretary.

2005- Dillon was born on March 1st. Todd continued to drive bus, and also did psycho-social rehabilitation in Idaho, between working on his thesis. In the summer, we took a trip to Island Park with Michael and Becky, and met up with Todd's parents in Yellowstone. Brayden started preschool in the fall, and we started wondering about Aspergers Syndrome. Todd graduated in December.

2006- On Dillon's first birthday, we moved in with my parents for what was supposed to be four weeks, and it turned into four months. Todd got a job at Aspen Ranch, and we moved our family to the middle of nowhere and bought our first house. I became an Achievement Day leader, and Todd was called to Young Men's. In August, Todd's dad was diagnosed with cancer, and in October he passed away. We made two trips to WA, one to say goodbye, and one for the funeral.

2007- We did LOTS of house projects this year. Dillon broke his elbow in the spring. Todd got bucked off a horse. We had a miscarriage in July, and we bought our truck in October. We went to Washington for the one year anniversary of Dave's passing, and Todd and I were called to teach Caleb's primary class together.

2008- We started out our year with a new van. I spent a lot of time with Vanessa, whose husband was oversea's, and Todd fell in love with all things cowboy. In October, Brayden was baptized (when did we get so old?) and we suffered another miscarriage. In December, Todd was called to be the Sunday School Secretary, and I was put in cub scouts.

2009- This year has been good to us. So far we've visited Goblin Valley, the Grand Canyon, the Pacific Ocean, and Mt. St. Helen's, and have plans to visit a few more National Parks in the fall.

Eleven years ago I couldn't have imagined the joy or the pain that these years would bring.

Thank you, Todd, for you. For your strength, your kindness, your example to our boys, and for making me happy. I'm so grateful that our marriage is eternal, and that you honor your priesthood. I can't wait to see you tomorrow.

I love you.
-felicia

Boys Grow

I love this poem, written by my friend Cathy Brian. Maybe it's because I was raised on a farm. Even though my Brayden learned how to tie a tie, rather than move sprinkler pipe, the feeling you get from this poem describes how I feel today. I can't believe my "baby" is starting third grade in a week and a half.

Boys Grow

The hay is cut

They stacked it high

to feed the cattle

winter's nigh

The air is chill

My nose is cold

The shadows stretch

The leaves are gold.

It froze last night

mid-day's still hot

The light has changed

I like it a lot.

The birds fly south

The fruit is ripe

The days grow short

we change sprinkler pipe

In spring 'twas hard

Boys worked together

But seasons end

With change in weather

Young boys grow strong

With work to do

It still aint easy

They muddle through

But now alone

they change each line

They jump right in

They do it fine

What once they

couldn't do alone

they finish now

each on their own.

Yes, seasons change

And boys grow

Just like the leaves

My hearts a glow.

-Cathy Brian-

Relay for Life

Todd purchased a couple "Relay for Life" luminary bags from our little friend Alyssa's grandmother.

For our Family Home Evening last night, we decorated them in memory of our Grandpa's who passed away from cancer. The kids did the one of Dave (I printed off the pencil sketch from the computer), and I did one for my Grandpa Salisbury.

The bags will have candles in them, and surround the track at "Relay for Life" this weekend.

For dessert, we made strawberry rhubarb pie, which was one of Dave's favorites.

Proud.

It has taken YEARS of nagging and whining (mostly by me), but my boys are FINALLY catching "the vision", and I am so proud of them this week.

Brayden and Caleb wanted their own garden this year, so Todd tilled them a couple rows (we're talking about 4' x 8'. I figured it wouldn't last, because last year didn't go so well, but they have watered that garden every day this week, on their own, without being asked. I know because whenever I need the sprinkler for the front yard, I find it back by their garden. The day we planted it, Caleb announced, "this is the BEST day of my life."

On Sunday, I turned the sprinkler on for my newly planted strawberries, and then got busy making dessert, and forgot about it. I woke up at 5:00 AM Monday morning in a panic when I remembered I was still watering my strawberries. I threw a sweatshirt on and ran outside, and the water was off, and the hose wasn't even headed out to the strawberries. I followed the hose and it ended at the boys' garden (and was turned off). That was the first proud moment. They're doing better than me!

We introduced our Summer Program to the boys at FHE last night, and this morning they did their morning jobs willingly. I truly never thought it would happen.
Well, two out of three isn't bad. Dillon hasn't caught "the vision" yet. He's supposed to be sweeping the kitchen floor with his little broom...

Earlier in the week I caught Brayden (twice) reading The Book of Mormon on his own during the day. Not the simplified readers, but his actual scriptures. He's reading ahead of our family.

It makes my heart happy.

Crazy week!

We've had a crazy week at our house.

I'll start at the very beginning. Last Monday was my 31st birthday. When did I get that old? Caleb started the day by throwing up, and then acted fine all day...until bedtime, when he had a fever.

Brayden made my birthday cake (with Dad's help) and unfortunately the picture got deleted. He made my favorite: chocolate molten cake with vanilla ice cream. Thanks Brayden!

On Tuesday, Caleb seemed better so he went to school, but came home with a fever. I think he has either a sinus or an ear infection.

Todd spent the morning building the floor of our new shed.

Wednesday was insane. We started by renting the tiller from the local hardware store. I ran to the farm store and PAID MONEY for turkey manure, and we got the garden ready. For those of you who already have pea's flowering...stop laughing. We have hard frost until June 10th here.

After we tilled the garden, I spent the morning helping Todd work on the shed, then I left to go visiting teaching, and then straight to Scouts. After scouts, I got home in time to help hold up the shed in the wind.

You really haven't lived until you've tried to build a metal shed in the wind.

Todd was cussing like a sailor, while the kids and I did our darndest to hold up the sides. Finally, we deemed it unsafe for the kids and sent them inside to say a prayer while I watched the wind bend that metal like a straw.

Todd had the brilliant idea to use 2x4's to prop up the sides (inside and out) which saved our shed.

On Thursday, we started early (before the wind) and got the roof started. Things were going well until about 11:30 AM, when a HUGE gust of wind came up and nearly took the roof panels with it. Todd was at the top of a ladder, putting a screw into a panel, when the gust came, and in his hurry to get down and tape the panels to keep them from flapping, he sprained his ankle.

His ankle is twice the size it should be, and he has a nasty bruise that goes all the way around and down to his toes!

So, the shed progress stopped there.

We were on our way to the clinic, to have an x-ray on Todd's ankle, when I remembered that Dillon's preschool graduation was starting in 15 minutes.

So, I dropped Todd off at the clinic, wiped the snot of of Dillon's face, and took him to the high school for his graduation. (Dillon's "preschool" was actually the child development lab at the high school. He went two days a week for 45 minutes).

His teacher said that he was "the best 4 year old artist she'd ever seen".

On Friday, I left at 7:00AM and drove to Salt Lake for the annual Home Machine Quilting Show. I met my friend, Cami, at her apartment and we went together. Thanks Cami!

Here's a sample of some of the AMAZING quilting I saw:

It was on Friday that I realized how "old" I've become. It started when I put on my most comfortable shoes (they didn't match my outfit at all) to go to the show.

Cami was free for the evening (after a meeting she had to attend), but I was worried about the deer in the mountains and opted to leave "the big city" early.

I did some shopping to avoid rush hour traffic, and as I passed Spanish Fork I briefly considered stopping at the Macey's grocery store there. The problem, is that I was just as excited at the thought of going to Macey's, as I was to go to Tai Pan, IKEA, and Target. Does anyone else get excited when they walk down the food storage aisle?

The kicker was the last hour of my drive, when I turned up the volume on my music, and sang along at the top of my lungs.

It was a Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD.

And I listened to "How Firm a Foundation" three times.

On Saturday, we had one of those "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" mornings and after a *small* amount of nagging, and weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth (mostly me), we got the house cleaned up. It was completely clean on Wednesday morning...what happened people???

Then I got a free piano lesson by phone from my brother (Thanks Ben!) and discovered that my fingering is terrible. I have a lot of practicing to do, but I think because of his help, I might actually be able to add a few hymns to my 10 song repertoire. Wah-hoo!

We spent the evening in Richfield. I got new shoes, a wax warmer, some fabric for a new quilt, and my boys surprised me with roses! I told them to pick out a new movie to watch on the way home (for being so patient while I was shopping)...after all, I couldn't be a mother without them!

Today has been a wonderful day. Todd made me an omelet for breakfast and "surprised" me with a pie bird (I love pie birds). I say "surprised" because in the middle of my ranting yesterday about how nobody puts anything away, I found a receipt on the counter that I read through to see if I could throw it away...and saw "pie bird" on the list.

Maybe next time they'll clean up their stuff!

After church, Todd made homemade tortilla's and chicken salad with grapes. It doesn't get any more "girl food" than that. It was delicious. I have to admit that my favorite part of the day was when the table was all set and Todd looked at the tortilla's and chicken salad and said to himself, "What else are we having?" How could I have just spent that much time in the kitchen and all we have is that???

Now the boys are playing electronic battleship while I blog, and I think I'm going to take a little nap.

So far today... (a very random post)

So far today I have:

-laughed
-cried
-pondered the meaning of life
-given a hug
-said I love you
-cleaned the kitchen
-checked e-mail
-paid some bills
-prayed
-eaten a plate full of vegetables
-eaten a piece of chocolate cake (fear of major poop fest caused by vegetables)
-talked to my mom
-pondered the meaning of life
-talked to my mother-in-law
-considered making hamburger buns for dinner
-re-considered the homemade hamburger buns
-decided on taco's for dinner
-cleared the bathroom counter
-checked my blogs (my ticket to the outside world)
-wished it wasn't so windy so I could go for a walk
-already regretting the amount of vegetables consumed
-thinking about more cake
-skimmed through two church talks
-pondered the meaning of life

...and probably a bunch more random stuff. It's just a normal day, here. Todd has been able to be home for dinner every night this week. That's been nice. I seriously can't remember the last time that happened, or if it ever has.

I am so grateful to be able to stay at home and be a mother. It is the hardest thing I've ever done, because of the emotional toll it takes. A person could seriously go crazy sitting within the same four walls all day every day, and since I live where I do....there's not really anywhere to go. I love to get out, to see things, and to be with people, and yet I've had the thought so many times lately that I'm where I need to be. I am glad for that spiritual confirmation, and the blessings that come with it.

All of a sudden, this winter, life got a lot easier for me (in some ways). My baby "grew up". He's potty-trained, he plays by himself, and he doesn't just make random messes for no reason. My other two boys got amazingly responsible when we got a Nintendo gamecube and they had to have their chores done in order to play. This morning I got them up at 7:20, and by 8:00 they'd gotten dressed, eaten, taken their dishes to the sink, brushed teeth and hair, packed backpacks, fed the dog, brought in a couple loads of wood, made their beds, and said their prayers. We would've had scripture study except Dad was in the shower. After school is typically the same story, they now have their homework done within the first 30 minutes of being home. I think it's time to add more chores. On Sundays I get to sit in church and hold Todd's hand while my boys read their BOM readers. There's no more in and out during sacrament meeting. No need to sit on the end of the aisle in Relief Society. No more diaper bag. No more toys or cheerios.

I'm not used to NOT being needed as much. I've had more time to cook homemade meals. More time to craft. I've put mascara on every day for the past month. That hasn't happened since before I had kids.

I waited so long for this day (amidst all the poopy diapers and sleepless nights) and now I feel lost. Like I'm just floating. Like...what is the purpose of life? What should I be doing? As I said earlier, the spirit has confirmed that I'm where I need to be. Even though the money would be nice and very helpful right now (gosh I can't wait to finish my basement and have a second bathroom and a third bedroom), I want to do what Heavenly Father needs me to do, because I know that is the only way to find true happiness.

Please don't get me wrong. I fully believe that there are women who have to work, and women who ARE following Heavenly Father's plan for THEM by working outside the home. I also believe that there are far too many in this world who THINK they have to, but it is a decision to be made between a couple and the Lord and there is not room for any of us to judge. I only know that for ME, being a SAHM is undoubtedly the answer for now.

Part of me longs for the baby that I feel is still waiting to come to our family, while part of me is SO grateful to be past all that work! I would not have time to decorate, blog, or bake every day with a baby around. I always thought I would have all my kids together and do it once. I am overwhelmed at the idea of "starting over" again.

There are so many GOOD ways to use my time now. Things that I couldn't do when I had a herd of little kids at home. I need to excercise. I need to read more. I need to do a better job of cleaning and organizing since I CAN. I need to drum up more quilting business. I need to read my scriptures for longer and more often. I need to try to help my neighbors more.

And yet...I'm not used to it. It seems like everything changed overnight without warning. And so I float along...and ponder. I'm sure life will soon pick up speed and I'll wish for this calm time. It won't be long before I move into that "Mom's taxi" phase.

And that's enough thinking for today. Todd told me to stop thinking and DO. I guess I'll go try.

new calling

When I gave birth to my third son, I knew this calling was inevitable...I just didn't think it would happen so soon.

I have been called as a den leader over Brayden's scout group, den, troop, pack, or whatever it's called. I'm still not sure.

I also have yet to sew any of the patches onto Brayden's scout shirt, since I'm not exactly sure where they go.

I guess I will need to learn fast.

Six more "buttons" to go...

Click the play button on the side for some "mood music" to go with this post.

There are six buttons left on our advent quilt, and I'm not so sure I'm ready. Do you think my kids will notice if I take a few ornaments off?

Is anyone else up to their eyeballs in wrapping paper, sugar (from all those neighbor gifts), and postage stamps?

I've got one more quilt to do (and ship), and another package that will go out on Monday. Just in time to wrap all the presents while my kids are in school, and then *hopefully* have a couple days to spend frosting cookies and watching movies with my boys.

Tonight is the annual Christmas Operetta, put on by the elementary school kids. I wonder what MAN thought it would be a good idea to schedule it a week before Christmas...

I need a silent night.

Tree "B"

This is tree "B". We bought it for $20 a couple months after we were married. At that time, all the Wal-Mart tree's had a letter on the box, indicating how nice of a tree it was. Tree "A" was the worst, and Tree "F" was ever-so-grand. We settled for tree "B" thinking we could upgrade the next year.

Every year, I think it will be the last for tree "B" and every year, there's no extra money for a new one, so we put her up again. And you know what? I've decided I really like tree "B". She's quite bare and "charlie brownish" at first, but after adding the ornaments, I'm always happy.

I've made or bought a new set of ornaments every year for the past 10 years. Some have already been retired due to supreme tackiness, and some are STILL on the tree. For our first Christmas I found some pieces of styrofoam that were *almost* square, and wrapped them with wrapping paper and tied raffia around them. I think they'll always be on our tree.

Everyone around our little town has a real tree. EVERYONE. I've tried to understand why people love having a real tree, but I will always love my fake one. I love the perfectness of the branches. I love that it doesn't shed, and I love that it doesn't smell. I love that instead of buying a new tree each year, I can buy a few new ornaments.

Some day, I'd like to have a pre-lit tree (since I hate putting the lights on) but I don't think I'll be able to give up this tree. We'll just have to have two. There are too many memories. Each of my kids (at different times) has pulled this tree down after it's been fully decorated. Some years it is so mangled and hideous by Christmas that it becomes a source of great humor. One year I actually had to tie a string around it, and thumb-tack it to the wall to get it to stay standing. And who can forget the year that I bought the "twigs" with the curly ends? Some of you already know what Todd thought of those, but I'd better not post it for the public.

We needed blueprints to decorate our tree growing up. My dad taught us all the "rules". The lights, beads, and ribbon need to be carefully woven in and out of each branch (not wrapped around in a tornado). The sparkly lights go up the middle, but you need to have plenty of lights that stay on at all times. Always decorate from the inside out, so your ornaments are "layered" and not just on the outside branches. And spacing is especially important, especially with different sizes and colors of ornaments. We tease him about how perfect it has to be, but I am grateful for all that my Dad taught me about the "principles and elements of design" by watching him decorate our beautiful tree every year. Mine will never look as good as his, but he probably has tree "S" and I'm sure it didn't come from Wal-Mart...

I've always had a hard time letting my kids "help" thanks to my dad's "rules"...I guess we need blueprints at our house, too. I've longed for the day when the kids would leave the ornaments on my tree alone, so it could look nice for an entire season. Luckily, our boys have their OWN little two foot dollar store tree that they are allowed to do whatever they want with, and they do. I'll have to post a picture...it's priceless.

Tree "B" has been up for a week now, and it hasn't been touched. Everything is in place just where I put it. The kids have given up their curiosity for the individual ornaments, and they just enjoy watching it sparkle at night.

And I'm not so sure how I feel about it.

Would anyone like to come mess up my tree?

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Bad: Waking up at 3:30 AM to the sound of my six year old gasping for air to breathe.

The Good: Living in a community with a wonderful doctor (who gave a great high-council talk on Sunday) and an on-call nurse (in our ward) who were willing to meet us at the local clinic in the middle of the night, since our hospital is so far away.

The Bad: Nearly hitting four bull elk in the middle of the next town over, while going 80 miles an hour, without contacts, trying to get to the clinic a little faster. (I should add that the speed limit is 65 going into the town, so I wasn't going too far over the speed limit...)

The Good: After a priesthood blessing and breathing the cold night air, Caleb arrived at the clinic still wheezing, but sounding a lot better, and able to talk.

The Bad: Throwing up during his x-ray (that would be Caleb, not me). Yes, the good ol' x-ray machine. I have issues with the x-ray machine at our clinic. I've sworn I'd never have an x-ray done there again because it's so fuzzy, I always have to pay to have it re-done in the hospital, but what do you do at 4:00 AM?

The Good: Finding the problem (Croup and tonsillitis) so it could be treated immediately with steroids and a breathing treatment. His trachea was so swollen it was nearly closed off. We are also very grateful that we don't have to pay for a tonsillectomy right now (and do it in a hospital that requires "permission" from Provo to do the surgery).

The Bad: All those payments I made two years ago on our nebulizer that Dillon used twice.

The Good: We actually HAVE a nebulizer and now we're getting our money's worth.

The Bad: The taste of the steroid medication that poor Caleb has to take for the croup, and the TEN DAY antibiotic for his tonsillitis.

The Good: I got out of making a quadruple batch of frosting for 19 kids to make gingerbread houses at school on Friday, AND I don't have to go to the school to help with the project... :o)

And don't forget The Ugly: Me, and the nurse, at the clinic at 4:00 AM with messy hair, bags under our eyes, and no make-up...it was NOT pretty.