A big ol' pile of shift work

My baby slept through the night twice last week...from 11 to 7.

That got me thinking about the song "Shift Work" by Kenny Chesney, where he sings "a big ol' pile of shift work".

The word "pile" got me thinking about my Aunt Joyce, who always said she was going to write a book about being a Mom called, "My life is a pile" and there wouldn't be any punctuation...just one big run on sentence.

Before I had kids, I worked in a daycare (usually) from 7:30-3:30. I couldn't wait to be a mother, and I was sure it couldn't be any harder than feeding 20 five year olds their breakfast and lunch every day.

In a matter of 45 minutes, I was able to sanitize the tables, set the tables, distribute the food, organize hand-washing, serve the food, clean up the mess, re-sanitize the tables, and sweep and mop the floor.

The thing that I didn't realize, is that I was only playing "Mom" for the day-shift. And handling that kind of stress is easy when you get some free time to gather your thoughts and prepare for the next day. (Not to mention the fact that there was a cook who prepared the food and washed the dishes, and a cleaning lady who scrubbed the spots out of the carpet and wiped the pee off the toilets).

There's no break for Mom's. We work the day shift, the swing shift, and then graveyard as well.

This morning I was feeding the baby at 5:00 AM (we're a little off today) and all these thoughts were rolling around in my head. I decided I kind of like the idea of breaking up my day into shifts. It's kind of like adding a period to my "run-on sentence", or separating my "pile" into whites, colors, and horse sh!t. If I have a bad day at work, I can sort of "start over" with the next shift.

So, for this week, I'm going to try to think of my job as more of a business, and divide it into the following shifts:

Day Shift 7:00-3:00

Scriptures, Prayers, Breakfast, Kid's to school, Laundry, Dishes, Floors, Exercise, Feed Baby three times, Blog, Quilt, Figure out Dinner, Paperwork/bills, Take kid(s) to afternoon Kindergarten, Doctor/Dentist/Pharmacy/Groceries/Bank/Post Office/Volunteer/Visiting Teaching.

Swing Shift 3:00-11:00

After school snack, Homework, Piano, Scouts, Soccer/Basketball, Feed Baby three times, Fold Laundry, More Dishes, Make Dinner, Read, Bathtime, Yard work, TV, FHE/Relief Society/Quilt Meeting/Ward Party/School Meeting, and maybe Hobbies?

Night Shift 11:00-7:00

Hopefully sleep! There's also the occasional Late Movie, Baby Feeding, Mom Anxiety, Bad Dream, Clean up Puke/Laundry, Time with Todd, Dog Barking, and "Mom, I need an asparagus costume for school tomorrow".

There is a Young Women's lesson, that I often think about, that starts out by having the girls imagine that they have just been offered a job, and this is the description:

1. You will accomplish something worthwhile that can affect the happiness of those around you.

2. You will help choose the working conditions and establish a pleasant atmosphere for others.

3. You will help control expenditures.

4. You will decide what work will be done, when it will be done, and how it will be done.

5. You will enjoy being around everyone in the entire organization and will have the opportunity to bless their lives and help them accomplish great things.

Of course the lesson is talking about being a homemaker. It the hardest (but the best) thing I've ever done. Too bad it took me ten years to turn my job into shift work.

Maybe next week I'll promote myself and get a raise :o)

Thank you for being a friend

My friend and next-door-neighbor, Andrea, moved away on Friday.

It still hasn't really hit me.

It occurred to me after she left that even though we've talked nearly every day for the last four years, we never took a single picture together.

She's one of those friends I could be myself with, and never worry 'cause she didn't judge. For the first year that I lived here we talked on the phone every single day for at least an hour.

I don't know what I would've done without her.

She listened to me cry when my father-in-law got cancer, and was there for me through two miscarriages.

We exchanged dinners, watched each others kids, and listened to each others "crazy". We talked about anything and everything from parenting, to money, to conference talks, to small town ways, to cleaning tips, recipes, gardening secrets, and ways to be better mothers. We watered each others lawns and fed each others dogs while the other was out of town. Our kids got along fabulously and spent hours together playing in our two yards. We celebrated birthdays, and holidays together. We helped each other paint. We broke into each others houses (and closets) for forgotten temple recommends. We printed documents when the other was out of ink. When my fridge died this summer, she let me store all my food in her fridge while she was out of town. Whenever I had a question about our insurance, or the kids school schedules, or anything related to math, I knew I could count on her. She is talented in the area's I lack.

And I will miss her.

I know we'll keep in touch, but it's not the same as being neighbors. Our new neighbors moved in yesterday, and it was weird to see the lights on last night, knowing that everything is different inside.

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true

You're a pal and a confidant

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see, the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say,

Thank you for being a friend.

The day after Christmas

I've done a lot of pondering today.

My mom left this morning. The house is clean (even the blinds...thanks Mom!), the boys are playing Wii, and all is calm.

It feels like the day after Christmas.

You spend so much time and energy preparing for one day, and then it finally comes and it goes by so quickly...while you're in a dreamlike state, and then just like that, life moves on.

There's almost a sense of sadness, and yet...Would I go back in time to last week if given the chance? No way!

But I already miss the anticipation.

It truly is a miracle, how a doctor can hand you a crying, purple, bloody baby, while three complete strangers are running around with towels and gloves and staring at your crotch, and in that one single instant it makes up for all the morning sickness, constipation, hemmorrhoids, mood swings, weight gain, crotch pain, and heartburn.

I have fallen head over heals in love with this dark haired little boy. When he rolled over from his tummy to his back this morning, I wanted to cry because I know how fast he'll grow up. And I'm not ready for it.

My mother-in-law swears that I will just "know" when I'm finished having kids, but I still cannot fathom NOT doing this again.

Perhaps in a couple weeks, when I'm helping one kid with homework, while nursing the baby and listening to another kid plunk away at his piano lesson, and dinner is burning on the stove, and I'm behind on laundry, and I realize that we're out of dog food and I have to run to the store before they close in ten minutes...I might change my mind.

But for now, I sure love having this new little spirit in our home. And even though I got the perfect gift, the anticipation is over and it's time to move on...and grow up...and I can't help feeling a little bit sad at the thought that he might be my last baby.

I don't want to think about it. So I guess I'll try my best to enjoy every minute, and I hope that when I have "one of those days" I will remember my feelings today.

Cooking and cleaning can wait 'til tomorrow

For babies grow up, I've learned to my sorrow

So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep

Labor and Delivery, Hospital food, Todd's TV debut, Visitor's, and Big Brother Dillon

We started our induction at 1:00 AM on Aug. 9th. I had been having regular contractions (10 mins) for a few hours, but like all the others I'd had all week, they just weren't strong enough.

I started out at 3 cm. and 50% effaced, and after all the paperwork, IV, and monitors were in place, we started the pitocin at 2:15.

My contractions quickly went to 2 minutes apart, but still weren't strong enough because when the Dr. arrived at 7:30 AM to break my water, I hadn't progressed at all. I tried to sleep, and listen to my Ipod for a distraction, but the contractions were painful enough that I couldn't get comfortable.

Dr. Heath broke my water and inserted an internal monitor to measure the strength of my contractions, and by then I was ready for my epidural.

It was a perfect epidural. The pain was gone, but I could still feel the pressure, and I could even move my legs and roll over by myself.

After I got the epidural, I finally started to dilate. At 9:00 I was 4 cm. and at 10:00 I was at 5.

This is when things started to go fast. I could tell by the pressure that I was dilating with every contraction. When they finally checked me at 10:50 I was a 9+ and they called the doctor who arrived in record time.

It only took three pushes, all during the same contraction, and he arrived at 10:59 with zero complications. It was by far my easiest delivery. I asked the doctor if I had torn, and he said, "Not a scratch" which made things even better.

They placed him on my belly, rubbed him down with a towel, and I started nursing him. After that, they weighed him, and I got to hold him for an hour and a half before the nurse gave him his first bath, right there in the delivery room.

While Justin had his bath, Todd and I got lunch. I had to take a picture of my food because it's not like any hospital food I've ever had. I got shrimp over fettuccine, and

Todd had steak. The next day I had grilled chicken with artichoke and sun-dried tomato sauce over penne pasta. It was better than the meal I had at Applebee's on Saturday night!

We stayed in the delivery room until my epidural had worn off enough for me to walk to the bathroom (about 3 hours). Then I was wheeled into a regular room. It took another hour before the epidural really wore off. I can't believe how long it took! I'm glad I didn't get a second dose.

Our experience at the hospital was wonderful. Aside from the "Anaconda blood pressure cuff" that left my arm bruised and battered, I don't have a single complaint. We were pretty much left alone for the rest of the day. Justin spent a total of 40 minutes in the nursery the entire time we were there. They took him once to check his weight and do his PKU test, and once for his circumcision.

I don't know if it's just how this hospital does things, or if it's because he was my fourth baby, but there wasn't anyone telling me how long or how often to feed him, or asking how much he or I had peed. It was really nice. After having Dillon in NICU and having to weigh every diaper and report every detail, I appreciated the "normalcy". We dressed him in his own clothes, and just "did our own thing".

Things were so calm that we had no idea they life-flighted seven people out of the hospital that night after a Japanese tour bus rolled on I-15. We did hear sirens, and Todd heard one helicopter, but that's it. When we left the hospital there were Japanese news crews everywhere, and they caught Todd on camera after he took luggage to the van. Too bad we won't get to see his TV debut.

My dad has a cousin who lives in Cedar, and even though Todd and I have only met them twice, I tried to get in touch with them during the week we were "waiting" so we could go visit. It turns out they were on vacation, but they arrived home on the day Justin was born, and she (Debbie) called me. They had been driving for 12 hours, but still took the time to come to the hospital and visit. When we checked in, I didn't even bother to listen to the visitor rules because I didn't expect anyone to come, but there's just something about having family around that makes everything better, and I'm so glad that Debbie and Rusty came to see us.

So far Justin is eating and sleeping great. I only had to get up once to feed him last night, and he went right back to sleep afterwards. I know he's still a tired newborn, but I sure hope this continues! My other babies all cried for the first few nights.

I never planned on having a 5 1/2 year gap between my kids, but I have to say that it's been a lot of fun. I've been able to spend so much more time preparing and pondering, and now enjoying this baby. The older boys can pretty much take care of themselves, and have already been a big help.

Dillon is thrilled to be a big brother. While we were in St. George shopping last week, I found a "Big Brother" shirt at the OshKosh outlet for $6. I bought it and Dillon has worn it for two days in a row now. I think I'm going to have to pry it off of him! Whenever he's holding the baby and you ask if he's finished he replies, "No! My baby."

10...9...8...

Actually, it's going to be 8/9/10. I'll be induced tomorrow morning at 1:00 AM.

Unless my water decides to break in sacrament meeting today, which would be just my luck.

I never truly believed I would still be "here" today. If I had, I never would've come to Cedar last Thursday like my doctor suggested.

I'm pretty proud of myself, though. I've been more "crazy" about being away from my kids and the fact that my Mom has given up so much of her time, than I have about the actual "still being pregnant". It's not nearly as difficult to be huge and uncomfortable when you don't have housework and kids to take care of!

I really don't want to be induced. I think the pitocin makes the contractions harder on the baby, but at this point there's no way I'm waiting any longer. I've already used up all the time that Mom could help with the baby 'cause by the time we get home, she's got to leave to get her house in order for my cousin's wedding.

Not to mention the fact that I'm tired of paying for our room, and eating out. Although, I gave up my low-fat diet this week because I figured if I had a gall bladder attack it would likely put me into labor. Because of that, I've eaten things I haven't had since before I got pregnant...like the chocolate molten cake from Chili's (and Applebee's), mozzarella sticks, provalone filled meatballs over pasta in "heart attack inducing" white sauce, fries (oh how I love my Heinz ketchup...), an omelet, a Dairy Queen blizzard, a deep fried chimichanga, and I had cheese, bacon, and avacado on my Subway sandwich.

Even with all that fat, I only had a few "stabs" of pain in my gall bladder all week. I'm starting to think that if the test shows it functioning at a decent level after the baby is born, I may try to control it with diet, rather than having surgery in a few weeks. I had to be really careful in the beginning, but the longer I went without fat, the more I was able to occasionally "indulge" without any problem.

Because I started this pregnancy overweight, I had a "goal weight" that I didn't want to go over. I truly didn't think it was possible, but I'm proud to say that at my appt. on Wednesday I was ONE pound under my goal weight. After my provolone/meatball pasta dinner with chocolate molten cake last night, I'm sure I've hit my limit, but I won't be getting weighed again, so the record will show that I made it :o)

I couldn't resist putting this song on my blog. (Vanessa, you can stop laughing now...) Sorry if you all have it in your head for the rest of the day...

Update

On Tuesday night I started having contractions at midnight, and they lasted all night. At 7:00 AM I decided to go next door to the hospital to be checked. I knew the contractions weren't strong enough, but I wanted to know if they were "doing anything" because we have to decide by 11:00 each day whether to pay for another day here at the Jubilee house.

I told Todd to stay at the house and I'd call if by some miracle they decided to keep me. I was barely dialated past a 1, and having regular 4 min contractions, but they just weren't strong enough. They stopped a little while after I left the hospital.

I had an appt. with my Dr. that afternoon, and he stripped my membranes at noon, and again at 4:00. At my 12:00 appt. I was dialated to 3, but at 4:00 there was no change.

This morning I called my Dr. to ask a medical question (I'll spare you the details) and he told me to go to labor and delivery to be checked again to see if I'd made any progress, but I was still 3 cm. and 50% effaced. I didn't have a single contraction while on the monitor.

We left the hospital and went to St. George for the day, since I've pretty much decided this baby is never coming. Tonight I've had longer and stronger contractions, but they're not regular. At this point, though, I'll take what I can get!

I'm going crazy being away from my kids, and knowing that all my "mom help time" is being taken up now instead of after the baby, but I know that Heavenly Father is watching out for us, and I am grateful for His tender mercies.

The final lap

Thank you so much for all of your comments on my last post. I have no doubt that we will be blessed and all will work out, but blogging helps me so much because I can get all my worries out on "paper" and it's easier to move on.

This picture of Lightning McQueen from the "final lap collection" is a good description of how I feel today!

The kids and I took off last Wednesday and spent a few days with my parents while Todd went on a 3 day pack trip (out of cell range) for work.

It was nice to get away, but I forgot that I had to spend my first day home having my weekly doctor's appt. and tests. We left at 8:00 AM and got home at 10:00 last night to a message that Brayden had a dentist appt. this morning, and a reminder that the older boys had scouts. Todd needed a haircut and his truck had to be jumped (it's a brand new battery!) so things have been crazy, and now I'm facing the un-packing from our trip...two days after the fact.

I may just take a nap instead. It's just getting to that point.

Last night I cried

Because after taking a double dose of Prilosec,

AND 4 Tums

I still choked on acid reflux

And coughed so hard I peed

In my last pair of underwear.

It was my last straw.

Bless Todd's heart.

He propped me up with at least 42 pillows

So I could sleep sitting up,

And did laundry in the middle of the night.

Now that's true love right there.

I'm a lucky girl.

According to the ultrasound yesterday, my due date may actually be a week earlier (Aug. 8), which is fine with me as long as the baby is "done cooking". I changed the countdown on my sidebar because I really don't think we'll make it to the 15th. But, if we do, I won't consider myself overdue until then.

The baby's estimated size is currently 6 lb. 11 oz. give or take 13 oz. I really don't want to have an 8 lb. baby because I didn't need stitches the last two times and it makes the recovery so much nicer. Caleb was our biggest at 7 lb. 13 oz.

I've got plenty of housework (it's amazing how it just doesn't stop...) and a few projects to keep me busy so I guess I'll get started.

After my nap, that is...

Preparing for baby and some anxious rambling

For Family Home Evening last night, I downloaded some baby care video clips to show to the boys. We learned about diapering, home safety, car seat safety, newborn sleep patterns, bathing, and swaddling (a.k.a. the burrito wrap).

Then we had the boys crawl around on the floor and search for things the baby might put in his mouth. They were quite surprised at the number of marbles/coins/lego's they found, but were happy to pick them up for the baby's sake. I think they will actually be more careful now.

When Todd went downstairs to check on the kids after bedtime, their Webkinz animals were all "swaddled" in pillowcases or towels.

I think they're ready :o)

I, on the other hand, am starting to get paranoid.

I'm afraid of my water breaking in the middle of sacrament meeting and having to walk down the aisle gushing water all the way.

I'm worried about the head being so big I'll need a c-section.

And most of all, I'm terrified of having to deliver in the van because we are so far away from the hospital.

I can't tell you how many birth stories I've heard lately (of people I know) who wouldn't have made it the 2 hours and 15 minutes that I have to go to get to the hospital.

In the past, I've had plenty of time, but my water has never broken. Since I'm usually sitting at 3-4 cm. dialated for several weeks before the birth, it makes me nervous to think of how fast it could go if my water were to break. With Caleb I went from 7-10 cm. in seconds.

All of my babies so far have had "need" to be in the hospital when they were born.

Brayden was facing the wrong way and was caught behind my bone. After 1 1/2 hours of pushing, the doctor stuck his arm "in" up to his elbow (or so it seemed) and realized that the baby was "sunny-side-up", and then used forceps to "unhook" him from where he was caught. At that point I was able to push him right out, but Todd certainly couldn't have delivered him in a car...

Caleb was born with the cord around his neck and had to be resuscitated. It took him several minutes to breathe. The doctor actually had to cut his cord as soon as his head came out...before his shoulders came. Once again, we do not have the right equipment (or knowledge) in our car.

When Dillon was born, the amniotic fluid was cloudy, rather than clear, and the placenta had a streak of infection in it. He ended up needing oxygen, and then was taken to NICU for antibiotics.

I also don't like the idea of an epidural, and yet I have NO desire to do it without. With Brayden I couldn't feel ANYTHING at all. No pressure...nothing. Caleb's epidural was perfect, and with Dillon it only worked on one side. That was miserable because I wanted to get up and move around for the pain, but couldn't because one side was numb. So, out of three epidurals, only one worked like it was supposed to.

Having said that, though, I LOVE how calm things are after the epidural. It's like a date since the kids are somewhere else, and I love just spending that time alone with Todd, anticipating our little one with minimal discomfort.

With my first miscarriage, I went through labor just like it's described in the books. I think it's because it was a blighted ovum that made it different from my other miscarriages. Anyway, it's the only time in my life that I truly thought I might die...and I didn't care because at least the pain would be gone. My contractions got closer, my water broke, my legs were numb and I was shaking uncontrollably. I gave birth to a "product of pregnancy". The part I didn't have to deal with was tearing or stitches...but it doesn't sound too pleasant to do that without medication.

The one thing that would make me consider doing it again is the adrenaline rush I had after it was all over. I went from being in the most pain I've ever been in, to feeling like I could run a marathon in a matter of seconds. It was amazing.

And yet, I still prefer the pain-free way.

But, if my blood platelets have gone back down, or if I end up delivering in the car I won't have the choice.

I kind of like having the choice.

Todd definitely likes having the choice.

And so I sit and stew. I like to plan, and with babies you really can't plan. I am grateful for all of our friends and neighbors who have volunteered to help us, even in the middle of the night, because the chances of Mom being here at the right time are not likely. I know we'll be taken care of.

But please, pray for me to make it to the hospital. Or at least to have cell service to call an ambulance if needed.

There is a hospital that is only 50 minutes away from us, but I've had an ultrasound and non-stress test there every week for the past month, and I've only ever seen ONE baby there. And there's only ever been ONE labor and delivery nurse on duty. And there aren't any OB/GYN's...just family doctor's. They're not very busy. I guess that could work to my advantage because maybe I would get more care and attention, but I think I prefer a doctor and a hospital that does this every day. I'm a fan of experience. Especially with my history. If my water breaks on it's own, though, I'll probably head there anyway.

I guess that's enough rambling for today. If you made it to the end of this...bless your heart. Thanks for listening.

Crotchety

This post is for my dear husband, children, and mother, who have put up with me this week.

I've decided that the term "crotchety" must have started with a pregnant woman in her last trimester whose crotch feels like it's being pried apart with a crowbar.

It hurts to move.

I don't remember hurting like this quite so early with past pregnancies.

Of course it's all worth it in the end...I just hope my family will agree.

Mom is here this week, helping me get my ducks in a row before the baby comes. I'm so thankful for her help. So far we (and I use the term "we" loosely 'cause Mom has done most of the work) organized Brayden and Caleb's room, cleaned the sheetrock dust that fell under the stairs during our basement remodel, and swept and tidied up the storage room, all while keeping the laundry caught up and the kids fed (which is no small task these days). Tomorrow I hope we can sort and wash the baby clothes, make a crib skirt and some hooded towels, and fix the broken Roman shade.

I really feel very blessed to be having this baby, to have my Mom here this week to help, and to have a husband who is so patient and understanding. My blood platelets have gone up and are now in the normal range. My gall bladder pain is nearly non-existent thanks to my low-fat diet, and my doctor is overly cautious and doing EVERYTHING you can imagine to make sure we have a healthy baby.

I have more reasons to smile than to be crotchety.

But, oh, how it hurts...

I Can Totally Believe It's Not Butter!

I've never thanked all of you for your comments and e-mails with low-fat food idea's and recipes...so thank you!

For the most part, it's not so bad. The things that I miss the most are eggs, cheese, ground beef, and butter.

Someone left this stuff in my fridge after Caleb's baptism, and I have to say, it doesn't taste anything like butter.

If you look at the "nutritional information" on the back, you'll find that there's zero calories, zero fat, zero cholesterol, zero everything. So my question is: What is IN this stuff?

I was surprised to discover that breakfast is the hardest meal for me. I've never been able to eat a bowl of cereal in the morning without feeling sick later on, so before this diet I would usually eat eggs, or leftovers. I can't eat fruit in the morning, either. I'm not a fan of yogurt (too sweet for me), so breakfast has been interesting. For some reason, oatmeal doesn't make me feel sick like cereal, so I eat a lot of oatmeal...but I worry because it's pretty high on some of the lists I've seen for foods that aggravate gall bladders. Weird, huh?

Does anyone out there have any idea's for breakfast that are low-fat AND low sugar? I can eat fruit or cereal if I balance it out with some kind of protein or vegetable, but it's hard to get excited about broccoli, shrimp, or kidney beans at 7:00 in the morning!

Randomness

I quilted my bum off this week.

Well, not literally.

I checked, and my unfortunately my bum is still there.

But this post is not supposed to be about my bum, so I'll move on.

I quilted four quilts in the past week and a half. It's been awhile since I've done that many in such a short time. I let the house fall apart and just worked away.

Todd left for the weekend on a trail ride for work. My mom always taught me that when the cat's away, the mice should play, so that's what we did. When the kids got home from school on Friday, I took some of my quilting money, loaded the kids in the van, and drove an hour and 15 minutes away to a quilt shop to buy some fabric to sew for the baby. The kids weren't too happy about spending two hours in a quilt shop, so I took them to Denney's on the way home for a baseball pancake. It made everything better.

On Saturday, I sewed all day while the boys played Wii 'til their brains were sufficiently fried.

I made a carseat "tent", 8 burp rags out of flannel and terry-cloth, and an "owl softie" from a pattern I saw online. I just about started another quilt, but I ended up taking a nap instead.

As much fun as I had sewing for the baby, there were several times where I got teary-eyed thinking about my sister, and my friend, who both had miscarriages this week. My heart hurts for them.

In other news, Todd took a truckload to the dump this week, and when he arrived, the guy who works there said, "Aren't you done hauling junk yet?"

In our defense, more than half of the loads we've taken to the dump were stuff that was already in our house/yard when we moved here, and leftover building scraps from our various house projects. But...it's still embarrassing to realize that we're single handedly filling up the town dump.

I spent some of my birthday money on some new curtain panels for my livingroom. They are not exactly what I wanted, but they matched the couch and they were on clearance so I decided to hang one and live with it for a few days to see if I really want to keep them. Todd just announced that he knows where he's seen them before. They were in the Sound of Music, and Maria made clothes for the kids out of them.

The curtains will be returned to K-mart tomorrow.

I had a gall bladder attack this week...after barely eating any fat for over two weeks. My doctor called me the next evening and told me that if it happens again I should probably see a surgeon. I've only got three days left before it's too late to have the laproscopic surgery, so I will likely spend the summer on my fat-free diet, nursing my gallbladder along through any attacks and waiting for the baby to arrive so I can have the surgery.

My friends keep pointing out how great the weight loss will be from not eating any fat, but I have to say...the weight loss doesn't make up for the pain. I am anxious to be gallbladderless. I did cheat yesterday and had french fries (it was all because of my Heinz ketchup withdrawals), and never had any pain afterwards...but sometimes it'll hurt like the dickens when all I've eaten is rice, zucchini, and tomatoes.

I had a moment of absolute panic this week when I realized that school was almost out for the year, and I was going to have to feed my kids lunch all summer. Heaven help my food budget. I can't even fathom what it's going to cost to feed four teenage boys someday.

And on that note, I think I'll take my bum to bed.

Need ideas

Help!

I am officially on a very low or no fat diet for the rest of my pregnancy since my gall bladder is giving me fits...again. I had this problem at the end of my last two pregnancies, but only for 6 or 8 weeks. This time I have 16 weeks to go.

If anyone has any low-fat or no fat recipes they'd like to share I would love to hear from you.

There are low-fat recipes all over the internet, but I need some that use "normal" ingredients that I have at my house (like my food storage)...not "Chipotle Red Pepper Chutney" or "Chicken Tabbouleh Salad", or things I can't afford, like "Sea Bass en Papillote".

Basically, I have three weeks for my gall bladder to go completely bad and I could still have it out laparoscopically. After 28 weeks along, if things get worse, I will have to suffer through the pain until the baby is far enough along that they can induce him early and then remove my gall bladder...a choice I'm not exactly fond of.

Part of me wants to eat all kinds of fat and have a major attack so I can just get it out now...but it's best for the baby to wait until after he is born. So, for now I'll just do my best to control the pain with diet.

I'm waiting for blood test results, and have an ultrasound on my gall bladder scheduled for Friday. Depending on those results I still might try to convince my doctor to take it out now, but only if I feel really good about it.

Oh, how I wish I'd done this after Dillon was born, but I was still recovering from an appendectomy and I wasn't in the mood to have another surgery.

I used to think that I only had trouble while I was pregnant, but after doing some research, I'm realizing that I've had gall bladder issues for the past few years. Aside from the instant heartburn I got every time I rolled on my right side, I can't tell you how many times I've said to Todd, "It feels like my food isn't digesting"...I wish I'd known before I was pregnant that it was all a gall bladder problem.

You can comment with any recipes or idea's you might have, or e-mail them to me at gravesrus2 at scinternet dot net.

My friend Andrea gave me a recipe on Saturday night, after I was still hungry from eating cantaloupe, grapes, and zucchini all day, and it was a hit with the whole family...even Todd.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies (low-fat)

Take a small can of pumpkin, a spice cake mix, and 1 cup chocolate chips. Mix them together (you DON'T add the eggs or oil to the cake mix), and make pumpkin choco. chip cookies, or mini-muffins by baking at 325 degrees for 20 minutes. They weren't quite as good as Dad's from the bakery, but quite low in fat and ALMOST as good.

tender mercies

I have been a crying fool this week, but all for good reason.

On Sunday, I was worried about money. On Monday, I realized we had a VISA gift card from Christmas with $200 on it that we had never used. I also found a $35 Western Family gift card that I'd forgotten about (again, from Christmas).

On Monday, all worries about money vanished with the news that my sister was in an accident, and her car went UNDER A SEMI and she and her kids came out without a scratch. I still get teary when I think about it. It's amazing how fast our lives could be turned upside down, and yet she was watched over and protected and I will forever be grateful.

On Tuesday, I got to see my sweet baby boy in an ultrasound, and everything looks good. It's still so amazing to me how many things have to go "right" in order to "grow" a baby. After a history of miscarriage, I sometimes wonder how any of us made it here.

I've given away most of my maternity clothes and baby things, and so many people have come to my rescue. My sis-in-law Becky let me borrow all her maternity clothes, my sister offered her stroller and actually sent pictures of her son's baby clothes to see what I want/need. My friend Cathy called to see if we needed a crib, and it turns out we do need a crib mattress, so that has been taken care of as well.

On Wednesday, I got news that my brother-in-law, my brother, and my dad are coming (voluntarily) this weekend to help us work on our basement. Jon (b-in-law) is traveling over 7 1/2 hours, and Dad and Tyler are traveling for 5, to spend less than 18 hours here tiling, painting, and putting up baseboards, before they have to leave to be home for Dad's bishopric meeting on Sunday morning...and I couldn't be more grateful. With Todd on-call this week (and it's also parent week at work), we just don't have very many hours to spend downstairs, and the carpet will be here a week from today. I don't think we'd make our deadline without their help, but now I think we can do it.

I am so grateful for tender mercies. Heavenly Father watches over us, knows our needs, and blesses us with the things we need, often through other people.

Here's the proof

I had red hair once:

And just because I know you all need a good laugh today, here's my baby picture from the hospital. The only editing I did was to add the words.

I'm a little worried at the thought of having a girl...

Things I love...

Every now and then, I make a new list of "happy thoughts". Just reading through it makes me smile. They're in no particular order...

I love:

-staying up late and laughing with Todd
-Dillon's smile...sunshine comes out of his eyes.
-curly hair
-warm colors (I'll just never be a "blue" or "purple" girl)
-makin' stuff
-decorating with homemade stuff, family photos, inspiring quotes, or things that are sentimental in some way (random pieces of art remind me of hotel rooms and museums).
-the seasons...all four of them.
-quilts with applique or stitchery on them. I love the detail.
-strudel and spice candle or wax melts
-watching Caleb with younger kids and babies
-positive pregnancy tests
-scalloped edges
-coconut shrimp
-the ocean
-my testimony of Jesus Christ
-talking on the phone with friends
-displays. It's all about the display.
-Jamba Juice
-opening the blinds in the morning and letting the sun shine in
-oatmeal. In cereals, desserts, and mixed in my meatloaf, meatballs, and Salisbury steak. If it has oatmeal in it, I'll probably like it.
-music. All kinds. I prefer to have music playing in my house all day long.
-when Brayden starts spouting scientific facts that I have no idea about.
-reading clever, funny, or inspiring blogs
-brainstorming idea's with my dad
-a clean and organized house
-eating out (no cooking and no dishes)
-harvesting the garden
-pretty table settings
-Chocolate molten cake (I've never been a cookie or brownie girl, and I don't like frosting)
-lot's of pillows on a tall bed. Todd will never understand, but it has to do with "the display"
-working with my family
-rolling over onto my tummy for the first time after giving birth
-going to the temple
-Relief Society. Time Out for Women. Women's conferences.
-my Mom and my Mother-in-law
-collecting idea's and recipe's
-spending time with family
-traditions
-finding an answer in the scriptures
-ultrasounds (when they're looking for a baby, not an appendix)
-the "funnies" in the Reader's Digest
-jetted tubs
-sleeping kids

I'd keep going, but there are three hungry mouths in the kitchen...

Amazing

I think in the past I have taken this process for granted, but this time, I just can't get over the miracle of this baby growing inside me.

I had my appointment on Saturday, and to my surprise, the doctor did another ultrasound. I certainly wasn't going to complain! Everything looked good. The baby was squirming around, and the boys got to see it. I wish I had a picture of the boys' faces. They were grinning from ear to ear, and afterwards Dillon said, "Our baby waved at us".

Six Weeks:

Eight Weeks:
Eleven Weeks:

The baby is supposed to double in length this week. It's just amazing to me that a few weeks ago we had a "blob of cells" and now we have a baby with fingers, toes, a beating heart, and the ability to move around and even swallow.

Birth is truly a miracle.

Thinkin' things...

Believe it or not, I actually have TWO friends who who share my due date.

I found out today that one of them miscarried...and it breaks my heart.

Sometimes, when I read about fetal development each week, I wonder how any of us made it. There are just so many things that can go wrong. Birth is truly a miracle.

My morning sickness is starting to be a little bit better, which I am both grateful for, and nervous about. I have learned a lot about faith, hope, and patience.

I go to the doctor on Saturday, and I'm anxious to hear the heartbeat. I've come to the conclusion that no matter how many times I see or hear the heartbeat, it's not going to be enough to stop the nagging fear of something going wrong.

I am grateful for the peace I feel. I know that my pregnancy is in the Lord's hands. I have learned the importance of hope, and I have hope that everything is going to be okay this time.

So far this pregnancy has been similar to others, in that I crave fruit, fruity drinks/smoothies, and bread. When I'm not pregnant, I would choose vegetables over fruit any day. Also, my meat of choice has been chicken, when I would normally choose beef.

I have been more sick with this pregnancy, but I have also been more able to come up with foods that sound good, which is interesting to me. The question is whether I can get my hands on what I want in the middle of nowhere. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a Jamba juice franchise in the neighborhood! And then there was the day that I only wanted chicken chow mein...

My brother and sister are gonna love this: My microfiber fuzzy blanket, that's on my bed, makes me gag. Just touching it makes me want to hurl. Normally I LOVE soft fuzzy blankets...to some of you this will sound completely bizarre, but textures, sounds, smells, thoughts, and seeing things like the microwave, dirty dishes, and the toilet make me gag. Todd wore a sweater to church last Sunday and I had to sit a few inches away because I couldn't handle touching his sweater. It's a pregnancy first for me.

And now I'm off to the boys' basketball game. Do you know how many smells there are in a crowd of people? Wish me luck.

Grateful for morning sickness

Thank you so much for all your sweet comments. It really means a lot to feel your support. It is hard to let myself get excited, but I've learned that having hope shows faith. I am 8 weeks along now, and I go on Monday for our second ultrasound.

I have been a lot more sick this time, and I am grateful for it, because it is reassuring. Todd keeps saying, "I'm sorry you're sick, and even more sorry that I'm happy about it".

We are due on August 15th, but my doctor has already said he'll start me at 39 weeks because I live so far away. (The closest OB/GYN is over 2 hours away, so I'm planning to deliver in Cedar)

The boys all want a sister, but they've agreed that if it's a boy we'll keep him anyway.

I didn't get Christmas cards out this year, but I loved hearing from so many of you, and I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. We spent the week at my parents house with all of my siblings. Even though I didn't feel too great, it was fun to be with them.

Whirlwind

Lately I've been a blog neglectin', laundry foldin'

tomato cannin', sacrament speakin', pee cleanin'

thyroid pill poppin', IEP meetin, paper filin'

mother-in-law hostin', wolf badge earnin'

tooth fairy playin', primary substitutin'

cub scout plannin', Christmas stressin'

milk chocolate cravin', zucchini eatin'

lightbulb changin', floor moppin'

coupon shoppin', Kashi fartin'

Time Out For Women goin'

birthday party plannin'

Relief Society goin'

library returnin'

closet organizin'

surgery nursin'

soccer runnin'

bum spankin'

fall decoratin'

apple pickin'

shirt ironin'

list writin'

tired, but

happy

mom

:o)

who needs to be doin' more temple goin', van cleanin', weed pullin', hair cuttin', bedroom finishin', machine quiltin', feather dustin', baby tryin', scripture readin', exercisin', house paintin', piano practicin', school volunteerin', de-junkin', DI donatin', wheat grindin', bread makin', case lot shoppin', service givin', apple dryin', oil changin', picture takin', scrapbookin', and cookie makin'.

Wasn't life supposed to calm down once school started?

Actually, things are busy, but good. Todd is starting to eat more solid foods after his gum surgery, I'm finally figuring out the cub scout program, and my thyroid meds are making me feel like I've got my brain back. I can focus, and finish some of the things I start. It's a marvelous feeling. It may take me a month or so to get caught up on everything, but I'm confident that I'll get there.

Time out for women was wonderful. I left feeling rejuvinated, and motivated to be better. My testimony has been strengthened in so many ways in the past month, and I feel very blessed.

Happy Conference Weekend!

Empty Arms

A mother never forgets.