Always, I will remember...

Always, I will remember...

...Coming home from church one Sunday,

surprised because I knew you were meant to be.

...Knowing for two weeks that I was pregnant,

even though it was too early to test.

...Telling your dad that you were due on March 18th,

your Grandpa's birthday (we were still mourning his loss).

...Finally taking the test early,

because I was already feeling sick and knew the results.

...The excitement that always comes with a positive pregnancy test.

...Wondering how we were going to pay for a baby,

and wondering where to put you in our two bedroom house.

...The empty feeling I got when I prayed for you,

knowing deep down that something was wrong--

but not wanting to admit it.

...The frustration in waiting 3 days to get a blood test back

to find out if you were still growing--knowing that if I lived

in a bigger town I could have the results in an hour.

...The anxiety and paranoia of not knowing.

...The nurse's cold, uncaring voice when she

announced an early miscarriage.

...Wondering why I felt so strongly you were meant to be,

and why you were taken so soon.

...Knowing that you would have had three cousins,

and two 2nd cousins born the same year.

Three of them are already here. One is due next month.

And one, like yourself, didn't make it.

...The peace that only comes from knowing that

Heavenly Father has a plan,

and that He knows what's best.

...those five short weeks

last summer.